Matt Cardle Wins: Your Final X Factor Round Up

Like most Saturdays, I tottered off to one of the locals for a swift half. It being the party season, the place was awash with exceptionally dolled up ladies of a certain age/breeding, twinkling under a cloud of perfume and hairspray. One such lady, of the tall and extremely svelte persuasion, was fingering her phone as I barged into the jacks. Earwigging from the cubicle, I heard: "Oh, hi, Charlotte, how did it go? Who went? DID SHE? Oooh, and who did she duet with? Ah, right, well that would make sense. OK... So, how's my little one, did she have any of her tea?" Such is the power of X Factor...

Given that my summation last week's show wasn't particularly well received *dances*, it's probably best that I hand you over to Alicia for your final X Factor round up.

So, Matt Cardle is the winner of X Factor 2010 and does he deserve it? Most definitely. Not sure if any of you will agree, but the final wasn't as spectacular as previous years and where was the Christmas tree? As I held a small X Factor Final party last night, we all found it difficult to predict who would win but, we all thought One Direction would make the final two. I'm sure if they did, it would send the rumour mills into over drive, speculating that Simon had the entire competition fixed. If any of you braved watching the Xtra Factor last night, though, you would have heard the results from each show being read out. Fair play to Matt for being in the top two each week and, of course, our own Mary Byrne was up there too for a number of weeks. G'wan the Byrnemeister. That just proves that the painter/ decorator was a worthy winner.

Saturday showed each of the finalists 'duet' with some of the world's most famous singers. How disappointing. It was so obvious Christina Aguilera did not rehearse with Rebecca and there was no way that that performance could be classed as a duet. She only wanted to promote that tripe Burlesque. Robbie Williams seemed to have a gay old time with One Direction, while Matt was one very lucky man. He had the pleasure of getting very up close and personal with Rihanna. I'm surprised he managed to remember the words; it looked like they were going to have a cheeky smooch at the end of 'Unfaithful'. I'm not even going to mention Cher and Will.I.Am, sorry, I just wasn't feeling it. At least when Beyonce sang with Alexandra Burke, they did it together. It has become a stage for artists to promote themselves, their albums, singles or whatever. They are not there to help fulfil dreams or give any of the finalists advice or help. Can we also touch on Rihanna's lack of clothing when she took the stage by herself? She literally sang in a bikini. Way to make us girls feel like crap, especially if anyone was watching it avec fear from the night before. Facebook is a great way to judge what others thought of the live shows and there were a few unanimous opinions in relation to how bad the singing was from everyone, (that being Rebecca, Matt, One Direction and Cher) and it was very evident that Cuddles wasn't over the man flu.

On to the grand finale on Sunday and One Direction were the first to leave, but they should be very proud of themselves. Who would have thought a few lads thrown into a boyband at Bootcamp would make the final. That's no mean feat by any standards. Maybe Mullingar native Niall Horan should lay off the caffeine. That child is one very excited teenager, wanting to get in on nearly every camera shot or interview with Dermot. Don't get me wrong, I like the kid, he's a talented young man, but just a little too giddy.

Down to the final two and Matt was first up with his version of Biffy Clyro's Many of Horror (this being X Factor, they've changed the title to the more friendly When We Collide), hoping it would clinch the deal and it is probably one of the best X Factor finalist songs ever, excellent choice (however, whoever thought Stacey Solomon was the right person to present live links from Matt's home town needs their head checked. Was she even speaking English?). Rebecca's version of Distant Dreamer was beautiful. I hope she gets picked up and has a lucrative career, although she'd need to start moving round a bit more.

So, highlights of the entire series folks. What have been your favourite moments and best performances? Who won best dressed judge (excluding Louis and Simon) and do you think the best person won? Personally, I think the best performance was from Matt on week eight where he sang Nights in White Satin. It was stunning. Dannii wins hands down on the fashion front but Cheryl has to get some recognition for this...

X Factor Finale Highlights: After Stacey's first link on Saturday, Dermot commenting: "Eh, and usually those outside broadcasts go so well. Yeah, that wasn't Stacey Solomon, that was actually a voice over artist"... Stacey, in slightly more coherent form last night, roaring to Matt: "There's a woman 'ere that's mayde a pizzah outtah yor fayce!"... Dermot and Matt's reaction... Take That appearing in all their collective manliness... Konnie Huq showing the Judges Best Bits over the series, which only served to chronicle the progressive darkening of Louis' hair... Cheryl's face pulling... Dannii getting clobbered in the face by Matt when everyone joined him onstage...

X Factor Finale Lowlights: All of the duets (apart from Matt and Rihanna's), especially Christina and Rebecca's (there was no need for her to caterwaul to such an extent, she completely took over, it was borderline rude. And as for the cursory hand holding, they both looked like they were both clutching a soiled nappy at arm's length)... Christina's second performance, which ended with Dermot saying trying to plug her film for her, only for her to respond: "Whut, sorry can you saying that again?"... Both Rihanna and Christina feeling the need to perform in their pants... Matt Cardle's trewsers... Sharon Osbourne and the rest of the mad yokes getting wheeled out for a performance... Shaun Ryder's appearance on the Xtraenous Factor...

Other than that, all we have to say is thanks for reading, and here's your final X Factor Gallery, featuring Nicola Roberts wearing her entire make up collection on her face; Nicolo Festa's jumper and Disney themed glasses; Chloe Maffia's nasty tattoo; Simon Cowell's harem (with stragglers A and B)...Ayda dressing demurly... Rihanna without the wig... The Devil...