You've got to hand it to Joan Rivers, she never did anything by halves. So determined was she to make people laugh, she was always the first to make cringe-inducing and incredible ill-advised quips about a nanosecond after a natural disaster or an untimely death.
Therefore, in the spirit of Joan and in light of her funeral wish list, I'm going to follow suit. "Joan Rivers, they're not sure whether to bury her or put her into the recycling..." *jazz hands Don't worry I'm not here all week. And don't feel bad for tittering or even rolling your eyes a little bit, it's what she would've wanted.
To the funeral wish list, which is only fabulous. According to MTV, Joan asked her daughter to organise the following in the wake of her passing...
"When I die (and yes, Melissa, that day will come; and yes, Melissa, everything’s in your name), I want my funeral to be a huge showbiz affair with lights, cameras, action… I want craft services... I want paparazzi, and I want publicists making a scene! I want it to be Hollywood all the way. I don’t want some rabbi rambling on; I want Meryl Streep crying, in five different accents. I don’t want a eulogy; I want Bobby Vinton to pick up my head and sing Mr. Lonely.
It didn't end there... "I want to look gorgeous, better dead than I do alive. I want to be buried in a Valentino gown and I want Harry Winston to make me a toe tag. And I want a wind machine so that even in the casket my hair is blowing just like Beyonce’s. When my time comes I’m going to go out in highs type. I have no intention of being sick or lingering or dragging on and on and boring everyone I know. I have no intention of coughing and wheezing for months on end. One morning you’ll wake up and read a headline: Joan Rivers Found Dead…On George Clooney’s Face. Clooney Was So Bereft All He Could Say Was, ‘Xjfhfyrnem."
There's no topping that, so we'd best leave it there.
