Justin Timberlake has reportedly proposed to his on/off bird, Jessica Biel... the bastard (I've been in love with her since Seventh Heaven days... which progressed to lust when I seen her toned torso in Blade: Trinity)
According to US Weekly - and the usual barrage of *air quotes* sources - said proposal happened deep in the mountains of somewhere called Jackson, Wyoming (I'm assuming it's in the big middle bit of America. "Justin knows how much she loves snowboarding and the mountains, so it was the perfect place to do it," one insider explains. Who are these insiders and where do they get their information? I wanna know. And not just because I'd like to stalk Biel (I WAS due to interview her AND Jennifer Garner for Valentine's Day until a snow storm intervened), but because, just, who the hell is leaking this kind of stuff? A close friend? An employee in the Starbucks they frequent? If this was a war they'd be shot for treason. Anyhow, rumours of their official elopement have circled for a long time, but, naturally the story is yet to be confirmed. Said source is probably waiting on the duo to return to Starbucks so they can wire their coffee cup again.
This is the bit where I say that had Mother Nature not cruelly intervened that day, then myself and Miss Biel would be tying said knot via an unknown source. Right? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? I'll get my coat...
Mike Sheridan
