George Michael's had a busy morning on the Twitter machine.

For those of you unable to access his twitter feed for whatever reason - sure why would you when we're here to regale it for you - here's what George has been saying this morning in handy chronological order as opposed to backwards. In short, he never had sex on Hampstead Heath with the white van man. But that's the least shocking bit. 

Morning everyone..... Get ready for today's rant ...:)
So apparently I'm lying about being approached by the Leveson Inquiry. A 'spokesman' says that I was never asked to participate. By which I suppose they mean they didn't actually have my phone number, so... they spoke to my legal team. Funnily enough, had they wanted my phone number they could probably have got it from News International!!

You have to laugh really. Truth is though I didn't want to participate, I sent the inquiry a letter from the poor man who... was blackmailed (literally) into giving News international a completely fictional account of meeting me on Hampstead Heath... Let me explain further... Poor bastard, he wrote a letter to me to apologise for the story, which made the front page of The News of the World several years ago. In the letter he told me that two journalists had followed him to his home in Brighton and told him that they had night vision pictures of him having sex with a celebrity on the heath, and that unless he let them take pictures of him in daylight there and then, they would publish the pictures of that 'encounter'.

He asked who he was supposed to have met, and they said they would tell him once he had given them what they wanted. Once they had their 'story' they made him sign it and were ready to leave, at which point he asked them, again, who was the celebrity he had supposedly met in the dark? They told him it was me, to which he replied 'But that's impossible, because the man I met was about 6 foot four and had a Dutch accent.' But by that time he had signed his statement.

He told me that he had approached several television and news outlets to refute the story and make it up to me, but no one was interested, other than The Sunday Mirror, who said that they might follow up his story but only if (and here comes the sickest bit!) he was HIV positive... Sick fucking bastards.

I thought that the letter, written by a man whose only crime was to be chosen as someone perfect to humiliate me... (I'm trying not to be cruel here, but many of you will recall that he was significantly older and not the best looking man on earth [I do recall, George, being very shocked and thinking you could do a lot better]) was a perfect example of just how horrific the methods of News International had become, and that the inquiry may be more sympathetic to a member of the public than just another celeb complaining about their lot. So I sent it to them. I was going to save it for the memoirs, but fuck it :)

Oh, and I forgot to mention that I'm 5 foot eleven, and can't do a Dutch accent to save my life :) Speak to u soon.... and don't worry, I'm working away on music in between rants! Far more important use of my time, don't you think? :)"

I'm not sure, George, that made for some extremely compelling reading. Particularly since you also added: "I hope to God that the politicians trying to outlaw the 'de-gaying' of American gay teens are successful in their current attempts. And I'm still utterly confused by the fact that the media are afraid to highlight such horror when the information is brought to them... By the likes of me."