Having never one an award for anything (apart from a writing competition in the Southside in the 80s in which we had to pen a day in the life of a viking girl two thousand years ago. The judges appreciated the feminist leanings of a 10-year-old), you'd think I'd be gagging to win anything. But I'd rather gnaw on my own eyeballs than win one of the below. Not sure what it is, but the inclusion of the word 'Ultimate' just seems to be ultimately taking the piss. By way of example, see the winners of Ultimate TV Personality, Ultimate Pop Star and Ultimate Men. Don't even get me started on Ultimate Confidence Queens and Ultimate Fun Fearless Female... Now, Kelly Osbourne's fellah, on the other hand, should be handed an award immediately for Ultimate Hair... Full list of winners and gallery below.
Ultimate Fun Fearless Female - Nicole Scherzinger
Ultimate Style Icon with VO5 - Kelly Osbourne
Ultimate Confidence Queens - Kourtney, Kim and Khloe Kardashian
Ultimate TV Personality - Tulisa Contostavlos
Ultimate Olympian - Jessica Ennis
Ultimate Paralympian - Sarah Storey
Ultimate Hottie - Louis Smith
Ultimate Pop Star - Cheryl Cole
Ultimate Men - One Direction
Ultimate UK TV Actress - Vicky McClure
Ultimate International TV Actress - Melissa George
Ultimate Newcomer - Zawe Ashton
Ultimate Film Actress - Jennifer Lawrence
Ultimate Family Girl - Melanie Burgess
Ultimate Love Story - Emma and Chris Barton
Ultimate Campaigners - Natasha Devon and Ruth Rogers
Ultimate Fundraiser - Polly Brooks
Ultimate Editor’s Choice - Stephanie Kercher
Ultimate Street Style Icon with VO5 - Suzan Yasemin
