We'll just launch straight into the nominations hosted by Kelly Osbourne, shall we? Nothing much else happened last night apart from Kelly saying to a frightened yet highly aroused John "So you want to f*ck my mom" *shudders*, oh and Victor continued with his humorous brand of chauvinism. Which is probably the reason why everyone nominated him bar his sister (Emilia) and his sidekick (Jeremy).
Amy nominated Victor: "He's chauvinistic. If young boys think Victor's cool then they'll start acting that way too." No fear of that Amy; you've forgotten his voice has yet to break despite being 19 years of age. Her second nomination was Emilia: "I wasn't at first but I'm SO jealous." When Kelly informed her that she could now leave the diary room, Amy said: "How am I meant to look at anybody?!" Kelly helpfully answered: "with your eyes." An uncomfortable silence followed. Anthony nominated Liam and Victor. Calista nominated Jeremy and Victor. Kelly then ordered Jeremy to stop flirting with Emilia so she could come to the diary room. Emilia nominated Jade: "I don't want to sound really mean but I don't think that Beauty pageantry is a talent... she's a Jack of all trades, master of none. Her second nomination was Liam: "I feel like, he's not fitting in the best. He doesn't know what group he's in or what he's doing." A cushion? Kelly informed Victor over the tannoy that his sister was not going to make him tea anymore, that it was now his job, before inviting Jade to the diary room whereupon she confirmed the beauty queen's worst suspicions - that she is annoying. Jade, through a tear chocked throat, managed to nominate Victor: "I don't like the way he talks about other girls. He's quite domineering." Her second nomination was Jeremy: "At times he gets influenced by Victor. He's funny in so many other ways he doesn't need to do that." Jeremy nominated Jade and Calista for pretty much the same reason - he can't believe people can be that happy. Kelly summarised with "So basically you're saying you don't like happy people." Halfway through Jeremy's answer, she interjected with "Why are you wearing shorts in the winter?" All very fascinating, I'm sure you'll agree... John nominated Victor and Jeremy. Latoya nominated Jeremy and Emilia. Liam was summonsed predominantly to discuss his sex life which he described as "quite active" and "naughty". He nominated Victor for being "quite cocky or rude at times" and Jeremy for being "like, so unreal, I think he's playing up to the cameras and the group." D'you reckon, Mr. Orgy Lovah Lovah of Cushions? Kelly compared Liam to an "EMO Mark Owen" and sent him on his way. Nathan took an age to nominate Jade "'cause, like, the other day ah woke up an' she was singin' on the bed and ah couldn't believe it. I’m a singer, yeah, and how can people do that when they first wake up, like?" He took even longer to nominate...... "this is gonna sound NUTS"..... Victor. He expected shock and horror from Kelly but this is someone who prides herself on owning a set. She was shocked, however, by Victor's following actions.
In the event that you're still reading and have even an ember of interest regarding his behaviour; Victor has been enjoying bossing his sister about, ordering her to whip up refreshments for him constantly (is it any wonder all her boyfriends turn out to be a*seholes about six months into a relationship? No). This has stretched, albeit in a jovial way, to other female members of the house. One might assume the likes of Kelly Osbourne would be incensed at such conduct, and she was, until Victor "opened up" to her. He's feeling claustrophobic. This is the longest time he's spent in one place and it's wrecking his head. Diddums. Because of this he feels he's got a licence to treat the people around him like dirt in order to amuse himself. That's not a form of abuse at all. And Kelly let him get away with it because she felt honoured he had confided in her and said she should become a psychiatrist. SUCKER. Victor proceeded to nominate Jade for being a crap conversationalist and Calista for putting on an act. He then unapologetically drank all the beer.
After all that nonsense it transpired that Victor (8 votes), Jeremy (5 votes) and Jade (5 votes) are up for the public vote... assuming people will bother to pick up the phone.
Last Night's Highlights: Kelly getting embarrassed at the housemates moshing. Victor, Jeremy, Amy and Nathan on the couch revelling in their cynicism regarding happy people while Mensa member Jade was regaling the remaining housemates in the bedroom with such snippets as: "I didn't kiss someone until I was 19 (unfortunately Liam wasn't around to hear this, he was sitting in the bath. Alone)... I want my life to be like a fairytale... What does cynical mean?... Is this bitching now?" Last Night's Lowlights: The close up crotch shot of Victor in those patent shorts and Anthony in a nappy. Noting that Anthony looked very pretty in that long black wig. In fairness to him, he's completely comfortable at being dressed like a complete muppet. I like him. What you can expect from tonight: Russell Brand doing his ode to Shelly while being coy regarding the bedding of Kate Moss, alongside some unfortunate footage of today's hijacker - John 'Mooby' McCririck...
