We have some breaking news here, people. Are you sitting down? Good.
We've uncovered a sensational story that is literally going to knock you off your feet and have you question your morality for decades to come.
An American tourist posted on Reddit.com's r/ireland shithole subreddit asking what he could bring to Ireland that would make our day.
He explained it as a "a small item or two in the U.S. before heading out. And leave, no name, for an Irish citizen. What would be something, not expensive, that I could put in my luggage and leave for a stranger that would delight them? Snickers bars? Candy? What?"
A SNICKERS BAR. THAT'S RIGHT, HE'S BRINGING A SNICKERS BAR TO IRELAND.
As you can imagine, the comments beneath were delirious with joy.
HOORAY INDEED!
Sure don't we have to turn off the immersion and the running water as well?
We hear tell that there's a Marathon wrapper locked up in Aras an Uachtarain that's brought out to show heads of state when they're visiting.
Just imagine it, folks. A Snickers. In Ireland. We're going to have organise an open-top bus parade for the person who finds it.
We'll even have to see about getting the day turned into a national holiday and you just know it'll feature on this year's eventual Reeling In The Years.
We can probably cut out the whole passing marriage equality by popular vote thing to make space in the show for it.
For those who you don't get satire, here's a quick round-up - American dumbass posts on Internet that he'd like to bring some rare sweets to Ireland. Thinks we don't have Snickers. Everyone rips the piss out of him. Move along.
You can read the whole thing here, if you fancy.
Via r/ireland
