All I Know Is That There Were Rumours...

That this post weekend stream of Rumours will bring you snippets about Heidi Montag's "bull's-eyes"; Johnny Depp's dedication; Yoko Ono rendering one of the Gallagher brothers mute; Johnny Borrell's demise; Doug Reinheardt taking Paris for a ride; and Simon Cowell being a cliche........................................... That the bald judge off Masterchef has after bagging a 27-year-old schoolteacher (called Heidi) through the powers of Twitter... 44-year-old Greg Wallace, who has been married previously (twice. The first time it lasted 6 weeks. The second one was riddled with repeated infidelities), has managed to get Heidi to quit her job and move in with him... That will make him respect her all the more... That, of her Playboy shoot, TMZ claims Heidi Montag said: "Heidi said although she exposed a lot of skin during the shoot, she still covered up the bull's-eyes on her moneymakers (lovely). She also told us she'll be featured on two covers - but no real nudity"... That's what her husband might call good Christian titillation... That Cristiano Ronaldo was pictured enjoying the company of several leggy ladies in Las Vegas over the weekend... He had asked Paris to join him but she declined as "wanted to take it slow"/"she was set to fly to Dubai to start filming a new series of her TV show My Best Friend"... That Doug Reinheardt, who was to produce the show before their split last week, was diddling Paris out of cash: "A source in Los Angeles, who is very close to Hilton (aren't they all), tells us Reinhardt's unchecked spending habits - discovered by Paris' accountants - were an issue. They found a number of purchases charged by him to her credit cards, without her permission"... That's classy... That, of his music, Johnny Borrell said at the Isle of Wight Festival: "It's going to be a different sound, I want to collaborate with someone. I'm thinking a house music extravaganza"... That, of inviting Liam Gallagher to her New York apartment, Yoko Ono said: "Our meeting was really very interesting. We didn't chat so much though. Instead we were just looking out of the window, because my apartment has beautiful views of the park"... Liam, however, had a slightly different take on things, saying he "felt inspired and couldn't stop writing songs afterwards"... The sooner Noel goes solo, the better... That Johnny Depp said: "There is a period once you finish a guy - a character - when you're looking to go back to yourself and sometimes it can manifest itself in illness. After I made The Libertine, I was in bed for two weeks. When you're working, you don't get sick, then suddenly it hits you like a two-by-four"... That Depp has just finished shooting the film adaptation of Hunter S. Thompson's Rum Diary, which is directed by Bruce Robinson (who wrote/directed Withnail and I)... That Depp had to beg Robinson (no less than five times) to come out of his 18 year directorial hiatus to man the film (that's not surprising given one of the last films he helmed was How To Get Ahead in Advertising)... That Simon Cowell and Ryan Seacrest were pictured leaving Stringfellows together at 4.45am yesterday morning... They probably just wanted to give heterosexuality one last hurrah... That you know the story with Caught Out...