'Transformers: Rise of the Beasts' is empty, soulless, CGI sludge

The all-powerful Unicron (voice of Colman Domingo) sends his minions, led by Scourge (voice of Peter Dinklage) to Earth in 1994 to recover an object of immense power that will grant him the ability to consume the entire planet. Standing in their way are two humans (Anthony Ramos, Dominique Fishback), the Autobots led by Optimus Prime (voice of Peter Cullen), and the Maximals, led by Optimus Primal (voice of Ron Perlman)...

'Transformers: Rise of the Beasts' is an impressive example of how art or quality will never trump business in franchise movies. 'Bumblebee' is lauded as the best of the 'Transformers' movies. Travis Knight lovingly directed it for his live-action debut, taking inspiration from '80s coming-of-age dramas like 'ET', 'Flight of the Navigator' and 'The Goonies'. Hailee Steinfeld imbued the central role with real warmth. John Cena channelled his manic energy into a convincingly funny and self-effacing role, and the script by Christina Hodson was smart but simple - exactly what you want from a summer family adventure movie.

'Transformers: Rise of the Beasts' has absolutely none of these qualities. The two human leads, Anthony Ramos and Dominique Fishback, are completely devoid of charm, and the script - which has FIVE credited writers - doesn't even bother to develop them in any real, convincing way. They're just movable chum in the waves of CGI sludge that throw itself across the screen. Pete Davidson voicing a Porsche-driving Transformer called Mirage is the level of depth we're going for here. Michelle Yeoh sounds like she did her reads of the script on Zoom from her trailer on another, better movie. Peter Dinklage, as ever, is far better than the role he's playing deserves as is Ron Perlman and the original voice actor, Peter Cullen.

Steve Caple Jr., who previously directed 'Creed II', feels like an odd choice for this kind of movie. It's entirely possible that the movie's tone and script shifted under his feet as he entered production, and what's on screen is very little of what was originally planned or intended. The first twenty-odd minutes of the movie has some promise, but it's little of anything for the remaining hundred-odd minutes because it's just plodding exposition and travelling to places to do stuff. The CGI fight sequences are dull as dishwater, recycled from the previous Michael Bay movies, except there are copious needle drops from the likes of LL Cool J and De La Soul playing over them now. More than that, 'Rise of the Beasts' never once fails to use every bit of cliche and clunky dialogue to go in exactly the direction you think it's going to go. There isn't one spark of ingenuity or creativity in it, and it's so damn frustrating when you think of where it could have gone instead.

A truly galling moment comes in the final scene of 'Rise of the Beasts', which ropes in another franchise long past its sell-by date and tries to juice it up with a move right out of the playbook of the Marvel Cinematic Universe from fifteen years ago, and sullies the good name of a great actor who - again, like so many of the actors in this - is far better than this thing needs or deserves. 'Transformers: Rise of the Beasts' is joyless, unoriginal garbage. There is nothing here that warrants time or money spent, and given how much hope there was in a sequel to 'Bumblebee', it's a painful reminder that money talks in franchise movies, and so do the robots.