Transcendence

You’re at a big lavish party, there’s a lot of interesting people here, but you’re stuck in the corner talking to a computer nerd. They mean well, and they actually have some interesting things to say, but they’ve got such a dull, monotonous voice, simultaneously explaining things in a mix of offensively patronising layman’s terms and technological jargon that you can’t decipher what they’re talking about, and you don’t want to. This isn’t what you came to this party for; you came to talk to Rebecca Hall and Johnny Depp, but this nerd is ruining all your fun! That is what watching Transcendence is like.

Depp is a tech-genius who has discovered a way to upload the human mind on to a computer, but some anti-A.I. punk-terrorists don’t want that to happen, so they shoot him with radioactive bullets. Before he bites the, uhm, bullet, Depp, with the help of his equally tech-savvy wife Rebecca Hall and best mate Paul Bettany, upload his conscious on to a massive computer. Almost instantly, RoboDepp wants to be allowed online, so he can learn everything and help mankind. But is it really Depp, or a sentient computer who wants to take over the world from the humans who are destroying it?

There’s a lot to chew on here, afterwards, by yourself, but not as the movie is actually happening. The comparisons of the anti-A.I. people can be made to the likes of stem-cell research or abortion clinics, but why is it never explained why these people are so against it? RoboDepp taking over the world seems to be a mostly positive thing, but then it isn’t because … the good guys say so? Could you still love your significant other, even if they were no longer a physical presence in your life?

There’s a lot of talk, and very little action, and we mean that literally; yes, there are explosions, but for a $100 million sci-fi action thriller, there actually isn’t a single action scene. The acting is of a fine if far from spectacular standard, with A-list support from Morgan Freeman, Cillian Murphy and Kate Mara, who mostly just stand around looking slack-jawed at science-y things. Director Pfister knows how to make things look good, and the score by Mychael Danna helps elevate some of the monotony.

But there’s no getting around the fact that Transcendence is all forward momentum, without any kind of resolution. It’s all questions and no answers. Its two hours of a watching a loading bar, only for it to get stuck at 50% and stay there indefinitely. One of the biggest disappointments of 2014 so far.