Playmobil: The Movie

Animated feature film inspired by the Playmobil brand toys. Marla (Anya Taylor-Joy – ‘Split’, ‘The Witch’) dreams of exploring the world, but a family tragedy sets her back. Years later, her younger brother Charlie (Gabriel Bateman – ‘Lights Out’) runs away and when she finds him at a toy convention, the two magically end up transported into the animated world of Playmobil.

From the outset, ‘Playmobil: The Movie’ seems like a cheap attempt to bank off the success of ‘The Lego Movie’ and its sequel. And yeah, that’s exactly all it is. From the very first scene which has the talented Anya Taylor-Joy singing and dancing a la some cheesy Disney Channel actress, the film is entirely detestable. This is followed by such lame lines a couple of scenes later as “we’re just pretending to be a family” and still more musical numbers, which are all terrible – annoying and not catchy. Even the melody of the music is unattractive, the same of which can be said for the animation itself.

Everything about ‘Playmobil’ feels like it’s trying carefully to not regurgitate ‘The Lego Movie’, yet appeal to kids by being the most basic, conventional feature ever. The story is boring, the characters are utterly unlikeable, and as they travel through environments pertaining to Vikings, pirates and cowboys, as well as the Roman Empire, a top secret Russian lab, and fairytale kingdom (it’s almost like there’s some kind of advertising ploy behind it all…), one is increasingly struck by the lack of anything new or interesting in the film whatsoever. Its lack of imagination or creativity is painful.

The movie is trying so hard to ram how ‘fun’ it is down your and your children’s throats, but the truth is it’s as bland and unappealing as gone-off cream crackers. They’ve even got Daniel Radcliffe in there to appeal to the kids, playing this ‘dreamy’ secret agent called Rex Dasher. He’s a bit of fun but one has grown so cynical by the time he appears, and he’s only on the screen for a short amount of time anyway, that not even he can save the sinking ship of a movie. Oh and Adam Lambert and Meghan Trainor come and go as well.

Look, there are plenty of animated and family films out at cinemas at the moment. Please bring your children/grandchildren/nieces/nephews to something else and don’t bother with ‘Playmobil’. Because genuinely, this is the worst animation of the year so far.