Now that cinemas have reopened in their full bloom, we feel it's only right that we resume our worst movies after a few years' absence.
You might be saying to yourself, "Hey entertainment.ie, there were some absolutely awful movies released during the pandemic, how come you're not mentioning them?" Look, pal, it was a pandemic. We all did stupid stuff then. At least we didn't do a podcast, alright? We did? Oh. Well.
Anyway, here's our list of the 10 worst movies of 2022 so far. You already know which one is going to top the list.
10. 'Senior Year'
Save yourself 100 minutes of cringe comedy and just watch 'Peggy Sue Got Married' or 'Never Been Kissed' instead'. They're both infinitely better than this.
9. 'Father Stu'
The only thing worse than Mark Wahlberg's vanity project about a boxer-turned-Catholic priest is the Hallow app that keeps being served up as an ad on Twitter and Instagram. At least he hasn't tried to open a Wahlburgers here in Ireland. We live in constant fear of it.
8. 'The Gray Man'
$200 million, this movie cost. Do you know how many seasons of 'Mindhunter' that could have paid for? Reed Hastings, do you think Jonathan Groff and Holt McCallany are going to hang around forever, hm? Is David Fincher, for that matter? Come on. Ryan Gosling and Chris Evans don't need the money, neither do the Russo Brothers. The people want a hard-edged, true-crime drama series directed by an auteur that examines the collapse of moral authority in American society juxtaposed with yacht rock. Not whatever the shit 'The Gray Man' was.
7. 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre'
Look, we're always happy when Irish actors get work and we will always support our own. However, we can't countenance this crap. Sorry, but we've got standards.
6. 'The Cellar'
Same goes for this. Again, happy that Irish actors and directors are getting work, but really, do better.
5. 'The 355'
Can studio heads stop giving Simon Kinberg money to make stuff, please? He's just pissing it up against the wall at this stage.
4. 'Deep Water'
Let's begin by all agreeing that erotic thrillers are just a terrifically entertaining genre of movie. Adrian Lyne is a master of the form. Yes, they're horrifically outdated, but come on, who doesn't love a bit of filth? All that said, we've got to chuckle at 'Deep Water', considering that Ben Affleck and Ana DeArmas BROKE UP after the movie was made. If nothing else, 'Deep Water' walked so Bennifer 2.0 could run.
3. 'Persuasion'
If there's one good thing to come out of 'Persuasion', it's that all of Regencycore rose up in a single, considered voice, and cast this thing down. Good job, folks. Well done.
2. 'Jurassic World Dominion'
This movie made close to $1 billion at the box office worldwide. As of writing, it's at $922 million. Humanity is facing its final days from ecological collapse due to our continuing inaction and wastefulness. Think of how much wasted energy was devoted to this movie, be it from carbon footprint, microplastics, whatever. We deserve our fiery deaths.
1. 'Morbius'
The fact that 'Morbius' was re-released into cinemas because of a group of shitposters somehow managed to get the movie trending again, only for it to bomb a second time, is proof that the studio system as we know it is completely screwed. Moreover, when is Jared Leto going to just give up the whole acting and give that beach cult his complete focus?
