Up until last year, Chris Pratt was one of us. Yes, he was a movie star and a TV star and married to one of the most attractive comedy actresses in the world, but he – Chris Pratt – was just like us.
For those who don't remember what Chris Pratt looked like prior to 2012, here he is enjoying a day on the beach.
Not an obese behemoth by any means, but … normal. He looked normal. He looked like someone who you would go to the bar with, drink ALL of the drinks, eat an entire platter of greasy things, and then still claim that he was sober and/or hungry. He was, in all essence, one of us.
You probably don't remember (I certainly don't, but that's because I didn't watch it), but he was apparently a recurring character in The O.C., but most of us probably became aware of The Pratt (although you probably weren't aware of it at the time) as the derpy best friend of James McAvoy in Wanted, the guy who was doing the no pants dance with his girlfriend behind his back. After that he was mostly in a few comedies - Bride Wars, The Five Year Engagement, Movie 43, What's Your Number?, Jennifer's Body - and, of course, hit TV show Parks & Rec, where he achieved fame.
Yay! A normie, a muggle!, has made it famous! But then… something happened…
Chris Pratt got a role in Zero Dark Thirty, and The Pratt hit the gym, and we were left with this.
Okay… Sure… Well, it was for this one role for this very serious movie, so we can forgive that. Seth Rogen did the same for The Green Hornet and Jonah Hill did it for 21 Jump Street, and they promptly slumped back to what they were before, so obviously the same will happen for The Pratt.
Except it didn't. Following on from Zero Dark Thirty, he's been the scene-stealing highlight of Delivery Man (review HERE), and he'll soon be seen in Oscar-tipped rom-dram Her, as well as being the lead voice actor in The LEGO Movie.
Then, of course, there's the summer, which sees a release of a movie which caused The Pratt to release this pic of himself.
He's the lead in Marvel's big-budget sci-fi epic Guardians Of The Galaxy, playing a superhero that is destined to save the entire universe from doom. Don't get us wrong, we'll still go see all of these movies, and we do still love you, Chris. But you used to be one of US! And now, because of your drastic transformation (and seriously, kudos on that, you've been added to Man-Crush lists all across the world because of it), we've no excuse for having a tubby tummy anymore. Our significant others will just point at before and after pictures of you and say "See? It CAN be done!".
You've betrayed your fellow tubby brethren, Chris!