Vin Diesel tensing his buff torso throughout an effects-heavy action flick, while occasionally stopping to have awkward interactions with an emo witch and Michael Caine? Look: if you can make it through a film of Vin Diesel calling Michael Caine 'kid' repeatedly without laughing, then you're probably far too serious to take 'The Last Witch Hunter' in the manner in which it is intended.
hat said, there is a certain amount of self-awareness in Breck Eisner's aesthetically pleasing, big budget endeavour. We're just not sure that anyone told Vin that.
he Last Witch Hunter kicks off in an encouragingly similar way to '80s classic The Monster Squad. The set up: 800 years ago, a hairy Vin (obviouslyjumping on the Conor McGregor bandwagon) tracks down the witch responsible for killing his beautiful wife and kid. Just as he's about to send her to witch hell, she reverse-kills him - thus making him immortal. Naturally, Vin uses this unexpected gift to help good emo witches, and hunt down evil witches. Michael Caine is his holy handler; then Elijah Wood his new holy handler 'cos Michael Caine is all old, and stuff. There's something about a witch apocalypse in there, too. While we couldn't 100% follow it, it made for some pretty visuals and sterling special effects, nonetheless.
hat said, there are a couple of fun moments in Eisner's film thanks mainly to his seamless blending of CGI and some slick visuals. The helmer has previously done solid work in underrated zombie flick The Crazies, but the script here feels incessantly refined to MAKE VIN DIESEL LOOK COOL AND STUFF and this, naturally enough, ties his hands somewhat.
o be fair, though, as witch-shaming, action-heavy Vin Diesel films go, it could've been a lot worse.