And now for resident film critic (you might not like him, he didn't like Thor 2 *gasps*) Gav Burke's worst of the year...
I'm keeping this list a mainstream one but don't think I'm down on mainstream movies - I could do up a list of terrible arthouse films too (Like Someone In Love, I’m So Excited and Looking For Hortense would be high on that one). Here goes.
10 The Wolverine (or The Wolverine Goes To Japan). The law of diminishing returns was evident in sequels this year but while Thor: The Dark World missed out on this Worst List (barely), this Eastern adventure did not. The Wolverine smacked of a TV series running out of ideas. Giant robot samurais? Really?
9 Pacific Rim. Controversial. My theory is that no one would care if ‘directed by Guillermo Del Toro’ didn’t flash across the screen. It elevated it in people’s (like Mark Kermode) eyes to be something it’s not. And even for a big dumb action blockbuster it was disappointing with the action scenes taking place at night, in the pounding rain or under water. What is happening?
8 Ender’s Game. A sci-fi actioner with little sci-fi or action. With training exercises and simulations the order of the day, the hero is never in danger. Why am I supposed to give a shit again?
7 Thanks For Sharing. A drama about sex addicts that spends its time convincing you that sex addiction is a thing when it should be telling you a story.
6 Kick Ass 2. The first one was fun but this was a cynical, jaded reheat that had nothing to say. What made Hit Girl funny the first time out was that she was a little girl kicking ass; now she’s a teenager kicking ass. Are you still laughing?
5 Stolen. Nic Cage drives around New Orleans in search of his kidnapped daughter in a poor Taken rip-off. And we all know Taken is horrendous.
4 Cold Comes The Night. A dry, uninteresting tale involving … a woman (Alice Eve), her daughter and some cash? That’s about as much as you can recall. Oh, and that Bryan Cranston plays a blind Russian mobster with an accent from Russian Villainy 101 class.
3 21 And Over. A bawdy teen comedy that undoes all the good work that Superbad did: girls in teen movies aimed at boys are once again either rich, cheerleading bitches or sex kittens. 12 and Over is the real sequel to 1982’s Porky’s.
2 Bullet To The Head. Sly Stallone actioner makes Cobra look highbrow. We’re back to the 80s here and not in a cheesy fun way – we got cops who don’t look like cops, terrible dialogue and action scenes for no reason.
1 Getaway. A late entry - it’s still in the cinemas. One can only guess that Ethan Hawke is trying to fund a personal project. It’s the only reason for him to appear in this drivel. He spends the entire movie in a car responding to instructions from Jon Voight - like drive into that cart or I’ll kill your wife, or drive across this street or I’ll kill your wife, etc. Oh, and Vanessa Hudgens plays a car thief.
