2004 called. They say The Last Witch Hunter is going to be the best movie you're ever likely to see.
Vin Diesel is Kaulder, the last and greatest soldier of The Axe and Cross - which we're guessing is either a very fancy hipster restaurant that sells paleo burgers or some sort of warrior cult for the Church.
Somehow, Vin Diesel is able to live for hundreds of years and during that time, he's fought witches who look like supermodels. Amazingly though, his broad American accent has been retained through the ages.
Starring a cast of people that genuinely confused - Michael Caine, Rose Leslie, Elijah Wood?! - and a trailer soundtrack that was robbed from Inception, The Last WItch Hunter looks terrible.
But you just know you're going to enjoy the hell out of it.
Take a look. And prepare for peak Vin Diesel beardness.