It's true, Home Alone is the pinnacle of cartoon violence made real.
There's absolutely no way anyone would be able to withstand a blowtorch to the head, a tin of paint to the face or a nail up your foot and still be walking around.
OK, fine, Joe Pesci's head was burnt - but according to these actual, real-life medical professionals, Joe Pesci's scalp would have fused with the synthetics in the hat.
So, y'know, there's that. Plus, we're pretty sure that hit with the crowbar would absolutely straight-up kill someone. So there's that too.
Right now, there's some studio executive watching that video and scribbling down notes on his iPad for a gritty, realistic take on Home Alone that features a soundtrack by Hans Zimmer and cinematography by Roger Deakins.
It'll be called Home Alone: The Beginning and go on for twelve movies until it finally comes circle with Kevin McAllister having to break into people's houses to pay for the lawsuits Hank and Marvin bring against him as a child.
Shit, that actually sounds good. Hello, Studios? We've got a solid pitch.