The 10 Worst Movies Of 2019 So Far
Six months into 2019 seems the right time to look back at the worst we've had to endure from the movie industry so far.
This year, we're mixing it up in our Entertainment.ie picks of the Best and Worst of the year by including Netflix movies. Three in the countdown (two of which made the top 3) are from Netflix and you have to admit, while the streaming service's TV series have been continually top quality, its movies have been terrible to mediocre, typically. Elsewhere in our countdown there are bad horror movies, unnecessary remakes and the superhero movies that, unlike 'Endgame' and 'Captain Marvel', were rubbish.
Here's our ranking of the 10 worst movies of 2019 so far.
So the only reason this isn't higher on our top 10 is that 'The Curse of La Llorona' is genuinely enjoyably bad. If it wasn't marketed as a horror, it would actually be a comedy. It's that cliche, predictable and stupid. Still, it's a bad movie and thus we must include it. A widowed social worker played by Linda Cardellini (Linda, who did you do this movie? Why?) and her two children become terrorised by La Llorona, a ghost who drowned her children and is now out for fresh blood.
'The Queen's Dog' is a strange, strange film that includes a Fight Club for dogs, a pole dancing saluki and a metaphorical dog that clearly represents Donald Trump. Who also features, by the way. You have to appreciate animation studios that are least trying to compete against the likes of Disney and Dreamworks. But there's a reason why those studios are top dog, so to speak.
8 'Unicorn Store'
Brie Larson soared as 'Captain Marvel'. Unfortunately the same can't be said for her directorial debut which went straight to Netflix. Larson plays the lead, Kit, who receives a mysterious invitation that could fulfill her childhood dreams. It's dreadfully bland and painfully obvious. While the acting is decent, the film is hampered down by a trite and ineffective script by Samantha McIntyre.
7 'Wonder Park'
Like 'The Queen's Corgi', another dreadful family-oriented, animated features that hit cinemas this year was 'Wonder Park'. Our reviewer Stacy Grouden found it to be "ironic that, for a film that celebrates the imagination and innovation of its protagonist, 'Wonder Park'' is completely lacking in either". Oh dear.
6 'The Upside'
Why? Why would you remake a perfect film? Apparently Hollywood can't stand the fact that 'The Intouchables' was in French and without big name actors (outside of France anyway). So they had to make their own version with Bryan Cranston and Kevin Hart as a quadriplegic billionaire and ex-convict who comes to be his carer. Well the hollow motivation behind making the film is mirrored back by the hollowness of the feature. Not even Hart's humour or Cranston's charm can save it from being a dull, unfunny and unfeeling affair.
There were a lot of signs before 'Dark Phoenix' even hit screens that it wasn't going to be great. There were the numerous release delays. Then there was the fact that it wasn't meant to be the last X-Men film, then suddenly it was. They even gave away the death of Raven in the trailers in an effort to entice people in. Unfortunately the red flags were all right and the movie was conventional, boring and anticlimactic.
'Dark Phoenix' isn't the only superhero movie to make it into our top ten. 'Hellboy' starring David Harbour ('Stranger Things') and Milla Jovovich ('Resident Evil') also made the cut. As with the final 'X-Men' outing, it's just a rehash of everything we've seen before, and also like that film, it was plagued by production problems which clearly had a major impact on the jarring, flat final film.
It's a shame that 'BrightBurn' is here because its concept - what if Superman was evil instead of a hero? - is actually fascinating. Unfortunately, the execution lacked suspense, surprise or anything particularly interesting. Nepotism probably had a role to play in its failure as the script feel underdeveloped and its writers are the cousin and brother of producer James Gunn. The finale gestures towards sequels but we hope they leave it alone. We have enough movie universes and franchises without another one - and with such a poor start - joining them.
2 'The Silence'
'The Silence' is the worst horror of the year, if not the worst horror of the decade. It's shocking too given you've the likes of Stanley Tucci, Kiernan Shipka ('Chilling Adventures of Sabrina') and Miranda Otto in the cast. In a story that feels totally knocked-off from 'A Quiet Place', it follows a family's fight to survive as the world gets overrun by bat-like creatures called 'Vesps'. It's not only not scary (the design of the Vesps lacks anything remotely intimidating), which is kind of essential for a horror. It has no ambiance, no originality, and characters are flat as cardboard. Avoid.
1 'The Dirt'
And finally we come to 'The Dirt' which really is a thoroughly vile and rubbish film. Hoping to play off the success of musical biopics like 'Bohemian Rhapsody', this one follows notorious rock'n'roll group Mötley Crüe. The cast feels misplaced, it looks and feels cheap, and the dialogue is just embarrassing. It's trying so hard to be cool and outrageous that it comes off as try-hard and pathetic. It favors scenes of sex, partying, and 'rebelling against societal norms' (in pointed inverted commas), and has surprisingly few actual concert scenes, in spite of being about a band. Save yourself from this piece of sh**. It's called 'The Dirt' in name and it's dirt in nature.