Given how M.A.S.K and He-Man & The Masters Of Universe are the latest childhood properties to be rebooted for modern audiences, you'd have to wonder why some are being plundered and why others aren't.

Well, in order to ensure we can claim we had the idea first in the eventual lawsuit, we've come up with a studio elevator pitch for seven half-remembered TV shows from the '70s and '80s. What do we mean by elevator pitch? In short, condense the idea down into two sentences - max.

Take a look.

 

7. JOE 90

Forget Stingray, forget Captain Scarlet - out of all of those weird marionette shows, this is the one to reboot. Either find the child from Lost In Space or, failing that, gender-flip the role and get rid of the marionettes because they're weird and freaky. Plus, it'll make thick-frame glasses cool again and take them away from coffee hipsters once and for all.

 

6. SHE-RA: PRINCESS OF POWER

Get Patty Jenkins to direct, cast either Saoirse Ronan or Elle Fanning as She-Ra / Adora, get someone like Abbi Jacobson to play Madame Razz, and get Aidan Quinn (to keep with the whole Irish casting thing) to voice Swift Wind, She-Ra's talking horse / unicorn.

 

5. SPARTAKUS AND THE SUN BENEATH THE SEA

Either hire someone like Luc Besson or Denis Villeneuve, someone with a real sense of production design, and make it trippy AF. Considering just how weird the original series was, especially with the hairstyles and everything, it's the kind of movie that'll be hailed as a visual masterpiece and most likely bomb at the box office - but it'll be the prestige of it.

 

4. BRAVESTARR

This is so straightforward, it's kind of weird nobody's suggested it before. Hire Jason Momoa to play BraveStarr, get someone like John Cena to play Thirty-Thirty, Karen Gillan to play JB McBride and someone like Bill Pullman to play Tex Hex.

 

 

3. RAINBOW BRITE

One person, and one person only should be trusted with Rainbow Brite - Rachel Bloom from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. Boom, next.

 

2. ULYSSES 31

Sure, we're kind of taking the mick out of this whole format, but really, an update of Ulysses 31 would actually be pretty cool. The show, in its original run, was an exciting blend of sci-fi anime and Greek mythology, and it had some really interesting ideas and concepts in it. It's a shame it didn't really find an audience, but it's exactly the kind of thing that has a richness to it that's perfect for something like Netflix.

 

 

1. MYSTERIOUS CITIES OF GOLD

If for no other reason that a modern, updated version of this utter banger of a theme tune needs to be made.