Primetime Emmys Mammoth Red Carpet Gallery...

The Primetime Emmys took place last night (the winners of which can be seen here) and, as ever, there were a number of dresses on display. Some good, some blah, some befuddling.

Among the "good" were (would you believe it) Kathy Griffin; Jayma Mays (would you believe it, she has an ass?); Jane Lynch (yeah, it doesn't fit great, and it looks like it could stand up of its own accord, but she could've turned up in a tracksuit); Julie Benz (who doesn't like a hint of nipple?); Toni Collette (I'm in two minds about the meadow feature, but on the whole it works); Dianna Agron; Christina Hendricks (any dress that can contain those bazongas deserve its own awards show); Angela Kinsey (who knew she could be so spunky?! Although she was a bit bashful about showing the front of the dress); Lea Michele (eat, you're head is looking more enlarged with each passing day); Lara Spencer; Maria Menounos (check out the back...); and, I hate to say it, Kelly Osbourne...

The "blah" were the usual whirlwind of uniform of black and or white, which came courtesy of Kim Karblahshian; Kate Gosselin;Julia-Louis Dreyfus; the pocket Jennifer Lopez; the Longoria Parker hybrid; Edi Falco; Lucila Sola (although she did have an Al Pacino on her person); Elisabeth Moss; Susan Sarandon and Eva Amurri; and while Roxy Mitch - sorry - Amy Poehler fell into the grey area inbetween...

Then there were the "befuddling". Some might be ill-fitting in the extreme, some covered in shards of glass, or individual size appropriate whale netting, but they all instill the urge to cock one's head to one side and go... "eeehh, no. No, no no. Noooo." Let's break it down:

Sofia Vergara: Ran over by a bike on her way to the ceremony.
Anna Paquin: Michael Jackson's passed away a while ago now, why such a serious homage? Although, she might just be spooked by what she saw in Stephen Moyer's belfry.
Jenna Fischer: The bodice is pretty. Shame it was sewn to the rest of the dress by Frankenstein.
Mindy Kaling: Eaten by a dress meant for a much taller person.
Lauren Graham: Nope, even showing a birrah leg won't save this ensemble.
Claire Danes: Too shardy. They're still counting the amount of folk she lacerated at the after party.
Naya Rivera: Too big. She's struggling to keep it up, even with the tan line straps.
Lauren Sanchez: Too small (some leeway for breathing is always preferable).
Keri Russell: Too Dumpy McStumpyfying.
Heidi Klum: Too short.
Lo Bosworth and Stephanie Pratt: Not nearly enough bleedin' effort.
Mary Hart: Too eighties, in the bad (middle American) way.
Kyra Sedgwick: Too long, fabric too cheesclothy, bag too Specsavery, braclets too Claire's Accessoriesy.
Nancy Juvonen: Not so peachy.
Jane Fallon: Not so peachy, part II.
Alan Cumming: Are those octopuses on his slippers... and are they trying to communicate with us... Maybe they're waving to whatever he's got smuggled up the left leg of those roomy pants.
Piers Morgan: Shame he's unable to pose for a photo without his hands buried into his pockets. Although I've got a sneaking suspicion he likes the effect the resulting bunching has on his crotch.
KayCee Stroh: I don't think the spectre posessing her dress likes being poked in the eye with a clutch.
Carrie Preston: Resembles the contents of an abandoned petri dish.
Airel Winter: Please see above.
Jane Krakowski: Belongs on the curtain rail of my local Chinese. Although, it does appear to have a growth, which isn't appetising.
January Jones: Belongs on my bed for the winter months ahead (mainly the bit at the back. The bit at the front can act as a hood).
Ty Burrell's date: Naaaaw, I remember learning how to make them in primary school. She's lucky it didn't rain.