... he's only after saying he's attracted to her "brain." To be more specific, her "business brain." Which translates as "money making abilities thanks to wanton exposure issues and plastic bits." Ergo, he loves her for "her money." The end.

Right, not quite. For those of you still reading, here's what 25-year-old Leandro was instructed to say on the matter during a radio interview in his native Argentina: "She is like a registered mark that sells everything with her name on it..." That's more chronically depressing than impressive.

The model continued, spouting: "The great thing of all this is I was at the party (Elton's Oscar After Thingy) and I thought, 'I like this girl.' And I went and I didn't know anything about her, didn't even know her name (convincing). The party ended, we had two days in Los Angeles, then I went to London. She warned me that it was going to be chaos, but I couldn't have anticipated how much."

In addition to Leandro insisting he was attracted to Jordan's brain, he also said he was impressed by her abilities as a "professional singer."

As it transpires, Leandro is attempting to launch himself as a comedian in the UK. "Did I tell you the one about the pair of gigantesco flesh covered plástico bags writing fifteen books and now I live in a palace!?!"