After stumbling across a wee snippet about '007's Dressed To Kilt' in the New York Post, I troubled myself to hunt down photos of the event itself.

It would seem Sean Connery hosts a fashion show each year that involves a load of folk, some with presumptively tenuous Scottish links, strutting up and down a catwalk in kilts. You might think, "Yes please", but it's not as overtly arousing as one might hope. More on that in a minute, first to the bit in the New York Post which goes thusly:

"Sir Sean Connery looked shaken and stirred when two men in kilts began kissing on the catwalk at his Dressed to Kilt event at club M2 Monday night (my guess it was Colin and Justin, who needed to release their tensions with a public fumble, but sadly, I can't confirm that as there be no photos of two laddies kissing). Witnesses said the original 007 'turned to his wife as if to say, 'Oh, my God.' Donald Trump and wife Melania remained unfazed. Sources said most of the models, including Alan (will you please stop doing that) Cumming and Scottish rugby star Thom Evans, went commando under their kilts (granted this individual mid flight on the right did too... as did this dude *winces*) , while Joan Jett, who rocked a mohawk and leather coat with silver studs, said backstage, "I can't remember the last time I wore a skirt."

She must sport door knocker inspired bull-ring bras every other day, so... She was undoubtedly the sexiest person there. OK, we've got Mike Myers swinging his sporran (and freakishly smooth legs); Sam Waterston kicking up his heels; Kyle MacLachlan fondling his own calves (in the absence of his tartan trousers. They had been pilfered for the evening by a sprightly lass who finds mirth in making a reluctant band mate do a jig mid-performance), and Matthew Modine hoisting a bike aloft. For some reason. Drink, most likely. Boozeywoozywhoosh.

Modine, Myers and MacLachlan were the lucky ones who got to wear traditional Scottish regalia, the more attractive men folk had to make do with random swatches of bed linen and upholstery. Noted fashion photographer Nigel Barker admitted to wearing the inside of a golf bag as a blazer. One Marcus Schenkenberg, who seemed suitably morto, modelled a thrilling mustard A Line number... although he was allowed make up for this by landing out half naked, as if he was summonsed from his slumber to lower the drawbridge for his lover. Thom Evans was not granted such a luxury; he was stuck with the sole option of leftover wallpaper.

When it came to the ladies present, there was a stab at something akin to fashion. At times... This pair kept to the Scottish theme and arrived hammered; Miss Scotland came as an apologetically saucy tea cosy; Kellie Pickler set about crushing her ribcage; and someone called Kelly Killoren didn't quite fit into her... shoes. Funny, she fitted into them no problem on her way down the red carpet. Perhaps she felt the need to cover up, something to do with "getting funny looks", or something.