Well whaddaya know. It rains in LA sometimes. And when it rains, it pours... and pools down the end of your gown.
The people trotting up the red carpet last night at the 67th Golden Globe Awards (the winners of which can be seen here) could be divided into two camps: those who carried their own umbrellas (Helen Mirren, Heather 'the mouth says WHEEEEE! but the eyes say I'm dead inside' Graham, Penelope Cruz, Sir Paul McCartney, James Cameron, Harrison Ford, the original Fergie... that or she's handing it to someone) and those who had others do the work for them (Marion Cotillard, Jennifer Garner and Quention Taratino... although the Quentin did give his assigned umbrella carrier a bit of a thrill. COOO EEEEE!)
Someone who should have fallen into the latter camp and let someone hold her brolly for her is Kate Hudson. She looks like an unhinged Eliza Doolittle in whore heels. And the facial expressions aren't helping... it's as if she's a frisky mental patient who's fashioned an entire padded room about her person.
Speaking of ill-fitting garments, they were out in abundance. Hellew Leona Lewis, Diane Kruger, Jennifer Aniston (who popped up out of nowhere in the winner's press room) Colin Faddle's bord (hoist it up, love, hoist it up), Jessica Lange, and Julianne Moore. The biggest offender of all in this regard, however, was Tarantino. What in the name of jaysis is this? Did he commission a navajo to make him a belt to hold this mammoth ode to Hefner together? Try as she might, his date's frame couldn't wallpaper over this boggling ensemble. Patricia Arquette, meanwhile, did her usual thing of making herself into some form of curvy mummified creature with boobs aplenty around her chin. I too am small and curvy... layering is the last thing required, especially when it's as hectic as this.
As for the rest of them, they did themselves proud in various states of dewy beautifulness and beanie caps (we know what's not under there, Edge, we all know), tall ones, slightly overly angular ones, pregnant ones, those who popped in on their way to a mate's cocktail party, while others were en route to a board meeting or the O.K. Corral a Go-Go. They set about greeting each other in a rigorous fashion (although it did take it's toll in some instances), and jovially answered the same questions while wrapped in transparent celophane.
It was good practice, you know, for the facial muscles to try hold a smile while host Ricky Gervais went to town on them. By all accounts, his best two lines of the night were "Looking at all these faces reminds me of all the great work that's been done this year... by cosmetic surgeons" aaaand "I had a penis reduction. Just got the one now. It's pretty tiny. So are my hands. So when I hold it, it looks pretty big. I wish I was doing that now, to be honest. Now let's get on with it before NBC replaces me with Jay Leno", aaaaaand, "You can be in the Third World and you get a glimpse of a Hollywood star and it makes you feel better. You can be a little child, a little Asian child, with no possessions, no money - but you see a picture of Angelina Jolie and you think, 'Mummy!'" AAAANNNND "I've had hundreds of emails asking me why The Invention of Lying wasn't nominated. I don't know why! Maybe the DVD will win an award... That's out on Tuesday at Walmart." And, of course, our favourite one: "I've had a couple... I'm not going to lie to you. I hope I haven't offended anyone. I like a drink as much as the next man... Unless the next man is Mel Gibson." And it was.
To see highlights of last night Golden Globe Awards, tune into SKY 1 at 10.00pm. In the meantime, Mike's done a handy recap of events, while you can view a full list of winners here.
