1: Ask the private jet to make an impromptu stop off in Paris for a spot of shopping. Why not?
2: Inform traumatised manchild that you've decided to make said stop off. He thought you were just flying out to Iowa to see his folks, hence the disturbing woolly cardie.
3: Deposit manchild in pre-booked swanky restaurant while you call Parisian resident and fellow statement necklace enthusiast (it looks like an S&M Mickey Mouse), Salma Hayek, to bring you round some shops.
4: So thrilled are the shopkeeps, one comes thundering to his knees.
5: Attempt marching to another shop, but, alas, such is the throng of paparazzi it's near impossible - even with multitasking body guards.
6: Haul poor manchild out of eatery before he gets his main.
7: Have someone deposit him in car.
8: Air kiss hangers on adieu.
9: Reboard private jet and continue en route to see the Maw and Paw Kutcher.
Fin.
OK, here's what actually happened: "Demi Moore went shopping in Paris, where her husband Ashton Kutcher is promoting his latest movie, No Strings Attached. Moore first visited Frette, before meeting Salma Hayek and her husband Francois Pinault. The trio then headed to Japanese restaurant Kinugawa et Hanawa, where they dined with Kutcher. Moore and Hayek later indulged in another round of retail therapy at the Lanvin and Hermes boutiques."
He still looks traumatised. Then again, he is trying to promote No Strings Attached...
