Below is a fully transcript of Chris Brown's apology/ploy to encourage parents to let their children buy his records again. If you wish to see him reading his scripted (most likely by his mother - given he mentions her in tandem with his "spiritual advisers" on two occaisions) apology, please make your way to Best of The Web to watch the video. You will be treated to much heartfelt squinting and a top/cardie type thing which looks like it was the creative design of Dorothy Spornack and Spock's love child.

"Hi, I'm Chris Brown. Since February my attorney has advised me not to speak out, even though ever since the incident I've wanted to publicly express my deepest regret and accept full responsibility. Although I will do some interviews and answer some questions in the future, I thought it was time you heard directly from me that I AM SORRY" (please buy my records)

"I have tried to live my life in a way that would make those around me proud of me and, until recently, I think I was doing a pretty good job. I wish I had the chance to live those few moments again... I can not go into what happened ('cause it's pretty damn horrific) and most importantly I'm not going to sit here and make any excuses ('cause there aren't any). I take great pride in me being able to exercise great control and what I did was inexcusable. I'm very sad and very ashamed of what I've done, my mother and my spiritual teachers have taught me way better than that. I've told Rihanna countless times and I'm telling you today that I'm truly, truly sorry, that I wasn't able to handle the situation both differently and better (?)"

"I recognised that I've truly been blessed with a wonderful family, wonderful friends and fans. God has been generous in giving me the ability which has brought me fame and fortune. I've done a lot of soul searching (and jet skiing) over the last couple of months. I've talked with my minister and my mother, and I spent a lot of time trying to understand what happened and why (ego and insecurity)... I have let a lot of people down, I realise that, and NO one is more disappointed in me than I am. As many of you know, I grew up in a home where there was domestic violence. And I saw first hand what uncontrolled rage can do."

"I have sought and I am continuing to seek help to ensure that what occurred in February can never happen again. And as I sit here today I can tell you that I will do everything in my power to ensure that it never happens again, and I PROMISE that. What I did was unacceptable. One hundred percent. I can only aks (sic) and pray that you forgive me, PLEASE" (buy my records).

"I hope that others learn from my mistake. I intend to live my life so I am truly worthy of the term role model (HAH!). Thank you."

It might interest/sicken you to know that Brown's camp released a video "detailing a single from his new album" before posting this apology. Hmmmmm, priorities.