Sorry, but the world's gone mad. I first read about it on Twitter and refused to believe a word. Now... a statement has been released.
Charlie Brooker, MY Charlie Brooker is not only dating Konnie Huq, they are engaged... I. I... I, I, I just don't get it. This does not compute. it doesn't add up. This is all wrong. Charlie 'Screenburn' Brooker and former Blue Peter presenter, Miss SweetnessAndLight, KONNIE HUQ?!
And now she's going to be grinning gleefully across too many time slots on TV3 shortly as she's just landed the Xtra Factor presenting job. Super.
The Examiner reports: "The former Blue Peter host, who is filming for ITV2’s The Xtra Factor which she will host this year, has been secretly dating Brooker for several months. The relationship is said to have blossomed since she appeared on his Screenwipe series on BBC4 last year. Cambridge-educated Huq dated Radio 5 Live presenter Richard Bacon for many years."
This is the most painful bit: "Huq's spokeswoman said today: 'I can confirm they are engaged'.”
Correction. It gets more painful... Konnie recently gibbered this in an interview: "He's definitely a keeper and I'm very happy. Is he 'the one?' Yes, but then I say that about everyone I date. Two weeks later, I've changed my mind. I do want to get married and have at least three babies, but I know I need to get a move on. While I was in Blue Peter my life was on hold and suddenly I'm in my 30s. But I will get married. To Charlie? Maybe. We mustn't jinx things though."
Sorry, but this has to be bull skitter. Here's this person publicly talking about suddenly being in her 30s, wanting at least three sproglings, and wanting to get married. Such chipper declarations of codependency and habitual bliss would have the Charlie Brooker I know (and love, so very, very deeply) hightailing it for the outer reaches of reason. Instead, he complies?! Has it all been a lie, Charlie? Has it all been a LIIIIEE?!
D'you know what, I bet she's responsible for your weight loss and crazy product-laden hair in the latest series of You Have Been Watching...
You've changed, Charlie. You've changed. Although... I do wish you... all the... happinessintheworld! *mashes face into keyboard to stifle sobs*
