*UPDATED* OK, in summary, last night's red carpet parade was erring on the side of disappointing. It was tacky, yet boring. Everyone kind of pushed the boat out (bar Fearne Cotton and perennial formal short fan, Caroline Flack) but appear to have boarded the wrong vessel - apart from Holly Willoughbooby, who was conscientious enough to bring her own life buoys. Safety first.
Keeping with the nautical theme for a moment, on Twitter last night, @ReadersWives mentioned that Florence was sporting a "natural sponge" (by McQueen). How right they were. They could've also likened it to intestinal lining, but Jessie J went with that theme and ran with it. A fairly irritated bowel lining, but reminiscent nonetheless.
Kylie looked wrong (in Yves Saint Laurent), and not just her face; not sure what's going on with Emma Bunton but it's also wrong; Paloma looked more sedate than normal, which, in this instance, wasn't welcomed; there's not one photo in WENN of Rita Ora not fiddling with her dress, so there's no telling what it's like; Sarah Cox was the Queen of the June Bug; Alexandra Burke's part drape part dashboard distracts from her stunning face; I think Laura Whitmore looked rather fetching (I am a fan of long limbs), but Catherine here in the office thinks she looks like Coco Austin, which is never good. Something else that's never good, a pleather hoodie under a metallic blazer, over a shirt 'n tie... Wanderection, as I said last night, shame it's all about the hair and not enough about the trousers; Lisa Snowdon just went with the slip, to hell with the over garment, but she has the physique to carry it off; Will.I.Am Poindexter; Nicole Scherzinger's (Versace) bodice does little for her money makers; I'm lost for words when it comes to Cher Lloyd's ensemble; and it's not quite clear who drew the short straw here.
Enough of the negativity! Rihanna, you may potentially be a muppet, but not everyone could carry that look, so fair play. We're also chuffed you didn't just wear pants. Adele looked classy as ever, Pixie Lott looked sophisticated in Dolce & Gabanna; Ed Sheeran resembled my three-year-old nephew Jack (bar the face fuzz), which is one of the biggest compliment I could bestow on anyone 'cause he's cute enough to scoff; Tinie Tempah, 'nuff said...
But here was only one person who sort of nailed it, and that was Lana Del Ray in Vivienne Westwood. Just the demure side of Jessica Rabbit. Well played (with the exception of the footwear). If she'd worn that on Saturday Night Live no one would've noticed the singing, or lack thereof.
