OK, I've no option but to take it all back. Paloma and Jessie J did have to go and change their outfits for the after party... What in the name of Jaysis is this? The one time she decides to wear pants and she's got a neon green 'ode to incontience stain' streaming down her inner thighs. As for Faith, she presumably fell headlong into the O2 props cupboard (specifically the Outer Mongolian basket), snagging her tights around the gusset in the process, and emerged slightly more confused than usual, especially by the presence of a Victorian messenger boy. As it happens, they were the only pair who bothered changing their clothes.

Apologies, I stand corrected, Robbie also changed his clothes, to house his full nappy (he wasn't alone). Mark, meanwhile, was promptly hauled home by the wife after the ceremony. Le Pew went on to play a gig; as did Boy George; Temper Trap; and Miss Dynamite shook off the Mercury curse to also put in a performance.

Paddy McGuinness, Matt Cardle, and Tom Barker Bowles got fairly lamped; Torville and Dean turned up, cause they'rea ll about the music; Alex Reid got kissed by his beloved camera flashes; while Dancing on Ice contestant Denise Welsh and a young man got turned away from the after party.

Also featured: Pixie Lott, Corinne Bailey Rae, Cheryl's slit, Yasmin and Labrynth, Leigh Francis without the bandage, Howard Donald, Gary Barlow, eh Ben Fogle,