Firstly, I'd like to point out I'm not completely bats - there were various reports that Miss Piggy would be hosting the BAFTA red carpet. We did get blonde hair. We did get exaggerated MMWWWAAAHH double cheek kisses. We did get a questionable pink dress. But Edith Bowman (in frumpy Dior) does not possess the personality that is Miss Piggy. Raging. It was the worst red carpet coverage EVER. Clips of films and a load of tuxedos do not a red carpet make. Apparently Miss Piggy was there covering the event for Orange, we just couldn't find her on our tellies last night.
Anyway, a personal highlight was Michelle Williams announcing she was freezing her bits off to showcase her H&M dress. At least it was worth it. One could say the bodice is a smite too high, but then again she's not Christina Hendricks (Vivienne Westwood)
Those who bared swaths of flesh to show off their gowns included Gillian Anderson, Christina Ricci (Givenchy), Penelope Cruz (in a weird Armani number. Apologies, but the bodice does nothing for her), Viola Davis, Dawn Porter, Emilia Fox's new hair, and Jessica Chastain (Oscar de la Renta). There was also Naomi Harris, whose Pucci dress resembled plaited banana skins (it was more like spaghetti close up, but we'll go with banana skins here), Kristen Wigg, and Claudia Winkleman.
Those who managed to stay warm while still looking stylish were Fearne Cotton (Moschino), Octavia Spencer (Tadashi Shoji), Colin Firth's missus, Meryl Streep, and Melissa George - in one stunning Victoria Beckham dress.
And then there were these offerings. Jessica Brown Findlay, whose husband died in the American Civil War, decided to wear Alessandra Rich. Hey, at least she was warm. Unlike director Lynne Ramsay, who was an early 90s lurex dodgy disco flashback.
All in all, more than a bit meh. Even Helena Bonham Carter seemed to be phoning in the appearance. The Grammys looked far more exciting, and that's saying something.
