We're reportedly being blessed with not one, but two, amazing memoirs in 2014 (assuming they can waffle out enough stories for some poor ghost writer to make sense of in the space of a year. If they were assigned to write the books themselves, we may be looking at 2018 instead). We reckon they'd sell more copies if they decided to do a calendar together. Just a suggestion.
As Lindsay is the bigger star (hard one to swallow but it's true, Kelly), we'll be devoting most of the post to her literary endeavor. The troubled actress met with literary agency Waxman Leavall in New York last Thursday to discuss the project. Although the book is in its early stages, Lindsay started it as a series of journal entries while in rehab. Again, that's one lucky ghost writer.
The book is expected to see Lindsay open up about every aspect of her life including becoming a child star, allegations of drug use, relationships with famous people - including her fling with DJ Samantha Ronson - legal troubles and rehab stints, her most recent of which saw her complete 90 days of court ordered treatment in California.
Since leaving rehab at the end of July, Lindsay has sworn off drinking and partying and moved from Los Angeles to New York. That hasn't been going too well as it happens; earlier this month she was accused of ordering a friend to beat up socialite Barron Hilton at a party in Miami, although - on the upside - witnesses maintain she was sober at the party. Which means she's just bats.
Journalist Lindsay MaHarry wrote: "Due to her probation, and the $2 million sobriety contract with Oprah, she was laying low, firmly on the wagon."
To clarify the aforementioned contract: after leaving rehab, Oprah helped Lindsay turn her life around, and inked a deal for an eight-part documentary series about her post-rehab life for her OWN network, which reportedly includes a clause that Lindsay must remain clean and sober at all times.
Oprah has said of Lindsay: "I believe that she believes that she is ready to move forward in her life. We'll see. I'm anxious to see whether or not this young woman ... will be able to allow us into her life and let us see the trajectory of trying to put the pieces back together."
Meanwhile, Kelly has managed to get someone to give her £1million to collate her autobiography. The most interesting part of it will center around the time she got fired from the Britain's Got Talent judging panel. The rest of the book no doubt will consist largely of photos from her underwear shoots. What else is she going to fill the book with; tales about her glittering movie career?
