Paddy McGuinness may repeatedly bark "No likey, no lighty" at the 30 baying women looking for a date, but that's not always the case. I know, that means the whole thing is a lie; their light is meant to indicate their level of attraction of the muppet shunted down the Love Lift - that means the whole thing is a lie. SATURDAY NIGHT PRIME TIME VIEWING IS A LIE!

Naomi, who essentially got herself on TV to promote her band Dressing For Pleasure (alongside her "identical twin sister", if you're into that sort of thing), has told The Sun she was "forced" to keep her light on by the show's producers, which meant she had to endure a date on the Isle of Fernandos (which we're meant to believe is in Tenerife) with some bloke called Troy. He's from Rathmines and is "a really sound lad" by all accounts.

The 25-year-old said: "I felt very bullied. They encourage you to make a complete idiot of yourself. It was very manipulative and I feel like they've taken advantage of me. I think it's very fixed… The producers kept asking if you were going to turn it off and you just felt pressured to please them. I was worried about being taken off the show if I didn't play by their rules. Nobody wants to be kicked off the show, as you'd worked so hard to get on there. Troy was nice but we had nothing in common. We filmed it in December and I've not spoken to him since… They edited things in, it is very scripted. They took my date away and told me to pretend I was upset. They told him to talk to other girls and filmed me looking dejected. Because I'd had so many free drinks I went along with it but I've seen what they've done with the editing and they've made me look an idiot."

Yep, they've made you look an idiot. You had ABSOLUTELY no control over the situation.

Speaking of idiots, avoid Channel 4 of a Friday between the hours of 10pm and 11pm, lest you want to be greeted with the worst TV programme about TV programmes you're ever likely to see. Last week, I wrote that Channel 4 thinks Paddy McGuinness is their equivalent of Harry Hill, Chris Tarrant and Charlie Brooker.

After seeing Paddy's TV Guide, he is their equivalent of a telly visual apocalypse, roaring banalities from the corner of your sitting room in a bid to bore the populace to death. To quote myself on Facebook, "Paddy McGuinness needs to f*** off." Surely there are better ways of utilising what's clearly the Chatty Man set when Alan Carr is on holidays.