Coronation Street: It was all go this week... Gail found a scrap of paper with Kylie's handwriting effectively informing Lewis of her bank details. Never cross your zeros, folks. When her daughter-in-law revealed that Lewis was blackmailing her, Gail copped it's because the baby might have another father. Mainly because Kylie told her. Before we knew it, Kylie's dealing with the situation by getting hammered, jumping on tables, and heading to hospital after hopping herself off the side of a chair. Gloria returned with a fiance, who traded her in for Eva towards the end of the week; Steve and Lloyd find themselves considering painting a tortoise to replace Mandy's hibernating pet, Flash (AAAAARRGGGH!); and Katy got herself some friends, who knew?!
Emmerdale: Looks like Charity and Declan still have that itch from the first time they met… Remember? With the hotel room, and the wig, and the attempted car theft. Thing is, Katie's decided she really wants to be Declan's tragic wife after all, so we have more females warring over the one man. Keeping with Dingle dalliances, Cain tried to tell Moira how he felt again. It went better than it did last time. A toothbrush exchanged hands. Belle was still working her mardy teenager shtick (it's mostly a load to do about nothing over a mobile phone - and the fact that she missed doing her chores cause she could've been drinking and having sex); Debbie's hair and mood got darker; Paddy got a hurty hand after he tried playing chef with Marlon; while Sandy and Sean became friends, which is nice after the mobility scooter debacle.
EastEnders: Kat still thought that Alfie is in love with her, you know, despite having a child for his cousin / the repeated affairs, so she's shocked when a meeting between them didn't go to plan (he requested a divorce). In soapland, there's only one way to deal with a revelation of such magnitude - get totally butchered. And sleep with your ex (Michael) Another way of "dealin' wiv tings" in Albert Square is by sighing (see the male side of the Branning clan) or shaaahting yer 'ead off. Lola opted for the latter when she realised that Phil arrived home with Lexi yonks ago. Tanya returned to see Max and Kirsty playing happy faaaaaamilies with her gels, while Cheryl lite popped back to see Masood, now that Zainag is out of the picture.
Fair City: Jo hoped that her kiss with Dermot meant a reconciliation, unbeknownst to Ben who had a plan of his own to reunite his parents; he started pretending he was wetting the bed. Meanwhile, a desperate Ama (she's new. She's fled her home in Zambia, but in reality she's from Cork) got some unexpected help from most of the menfolk from Carraigstown; Paul kept swanning about McCoy's like Donald Trump; and Judith FINALLY made her choice. All she had to do was face Blackie and tell him goodbye, and endure his acting skills, or lack thereof.