Coronation Street: We saw it coming a mile off, but Tina's decision to keep baby Jake hit the Windasses and Armstrongs like a ton of bricks. Not content with dear old Owen flying off the handle, Anna lost the rag too, and when they couldn't take it out on Tina, poor Rita bore the brunt of their anger. Izzy pulled out the ugly cry to no avail, and while Gary tried kicking down the door, Tina and Tommy stood firm. Meanwhile down the road, Eileen and Dierdre downed a few bottles as the former struggled to cope with her fella's career, and Tracey got herself a job selling toilets: Well, she is an expert in flushing things down the drain... And then there was Karl, following Detective Dev around, lurking in the shadows, and waiting to strike. Oh, and Maria and Marcus had some pointless argument, y'know, just so we could be reminded that he swings both ways now...
Emmerdale: It seems as though the Dales have found themselves a new casanova, what with young Sean going around breaking hearts, taking names, and impregnating the local teens. Dom was shocked to discover that young Gemma was up the duff, and when he discovered her babby daddy was about to do the nasty with Belle all hell broke loose: There's nothing quite like discovering your fella and your BFF have been getting cosy. We're sure Belle will take it on the chin... not. Meanwhile, Kerry got herself mowed down by Adam and Robbie, so the whole village finally found out that she wasn't having Andy's baby, and Cain took the blame for the whole thing. If we were Moira we'd give that young fella a good clip around the ear... And finally, Vanessa tried to sort out Rhona's little problem, while Paddy stared gormlessly into space...
EastEnders: Lauren's rapid descent into alcoholism continued to dominate down Albert Square this week, what with her scalding her sister, screaming at her mum and jumping out windows: We're guessing Peter Beale knows how lucky he is right now: We'd be glad she was the one who got away. That said, lairy Lucy was grinding our gears, so we do hope everyone finds out that she set Lauren off.. Speaking of the Beales, Peter is back in town with a dark secret but his daddy and twin sister are too busy fighting over him to find out what the story is. Elsewhere, poor Alice was a bit silly and slept with Michael, who promptly broke her heart by telling her he'd been using her, and Dexter said a few things, but we can never understand him, so we don't know what they were. Oh, and Dot finally got her job, and an impossible task to go with it...
Fair City: They're really trying to sex things up in Carrigstown of late, so it was no surprise that Ama's papers were out of date, Sean wouldn't throw in the towel with Maeve, and Carol's fella turned out to be a heroin addict. We're half wishing Ama would be deported at this stage, so we'd never have to listen to one of her screaming panicked rants again... And as for Maeve and Sean, well, c'mon now lads, did you really expect us to believe that would ever work? We're sure it won't be long before they set her up Wayne now though... Meanwhile Leo's life really hit rock bottom, what with his accounts being in tatters and the National Transport Authority slapping a fine of €2000 on him. We actually felt a bit sorry for Yvonne when Carol made a laughing stock of her, and did we see a bit of a friendship developing between Zumo and Ama? We'd take him over Damien any day inallinanyways...