As our usual esteemed X Factor pundit, Caroline, has something more important to be doing, I shall be bringing you your round up for the next couple of weeks. Expect them to be brusque, have no flolw and possibly somewhat misinformed. For starters, I've no idea what the theme was this week, HUZZAH! I'm more of a "record the X Factor so I can fast forward through most of the performances" type of individual, therefore the analysis of each act shall go thusly:
Nu Vibe: And just when you thought that choral version of With or Without You gracing the Downton Abbey promo was the worst rendition going... As Gary was instructed to say; "No vibe".
Sami: Whitney Houston's I Will Always Love You. Not bad considering the opportunity to cock up. This time around, Simon instructed Gary to lob in the usual "Cruise ship" comparison. This lead to actual cruise ship singer/ITV's Loose Woman Jane McDonald to ring into the Xtra Factor, which wasn't at all set up.
Craig: He can sing, but I've no idea what he was singing (apparently it was a Beyonce song).
Janet (AKA the newly redheaded reincarnation of The Claw): Yelped her way through UB40s Falling In Love With You. i.e the rubbish version.
Frankie: Coldplay's Go Back to the Start. Awful. He should go back to the haidressers (apologies). The other judges went a bit bats when Louie said "You've lost your swagger." Is it any wonder in those jeans.
Twiggy Stardust (also answers to Johnny): Did a stirring Geisha inspired rendition of Kylie's Can't Get You Out Of My Head. Why not. He then said something disturbing to Gary re inviting him to rub his genie out of his bottle anytime.
To read the rest of Sheena's X Factor Round Up Of Shorts, make your way to our dedicated X Factor Page.