Missed connections are usually reserved for lonely heart types, right? Wrong.
They can also be used to call out gigantic d*ckheads and galloping a**holes, too - as you'll soon discover.
This sweeping tale of douchebaggery was posted to New York's Craigslist and it's gone viral in a matter of hours.
Here's the full transcript in all its angry, NSFW glory:
Dear Nightmare Human Being,
You and your pleather leggings, your silver sneakers and your expensive slouchy coat. Your shiny black samsonite bag and your long tube, most likely protecting some pretentious and derivative art you yourself made.
You see, the way these buses work is, everybody pays their 15 bucks or whatever online, and then everybody arrives early and lines up in the order that they arrived, so that they might board the bus in an orderly and logical fashion.
When you arrived, it was maybe 5 minutes prior to boarding time. You saw the line stretching halfway around the block, and immediately knew such things were not for you. I mean, you had lowered yourself to dragging your shiny samsonite onto a *bus* operated by *greyhound*, but by god, you are descended from the pilgrims of Plymouth Rock, and you do not wait in *lines*.
So, instead, you wandered about 2/3 of the way up the line, and then stopped to "look at your phone". This was very artfully done. Clearly outside of the line, but with your back to the plebes and no possibility of eye contact, you created a situation where we all had a suspicion of your intent, but had no firm evidence to really motivate a confrontation. You fiddled with your phone and flipped your hair, secure in your skinny rich white girl privilege, knowing that if you were passive aggressive enough in your approach, *no one* would challenge you.
And you were right. The bus pulled up, everyone started shuffling forward to load their bags, and you swooped right to the front in the shuffle, suddenly alert and efficient. You were one of the first people to board in fact. And I'm sure you were almost bored in your smugness. Of course this selfish and shitty plan worked for you, because it always works for you. It works when you sidle up to the bouncer in your bandage dress, it works when you bolt off the curb and steal a cab from someone, and it worked when Daddy gave some money and nudged your application along at Vassar or Georgetown or whereverthefuck.
I'm a Feminist, and the last thing I ever want to do is tear another woman down. But honestly, seeing your selfish bratty bullshit in that moment, all I wanted to do was give you a swift kick in the ovaries and set your art tube on fire. You are that coddled, spoiled woman, living a charmed but I'm sure very stressed out life, filled with the banal problems of unexamined privilege.
Your time is not more important than that of the rest of the human race. You are not more important. Really, you are less important, because everything you do, even down to something as stupid as boarding a bus, speaks to your ugly character while it shits on the rest of us. Have fun being an awful human. May you be trapped by a huge rock in a loveless marriage, disliked by your colleagues, resented by your children, and may your life be as shallow and unsatisfying as you are.
Love, The Universe
Wow.
Just... yeah. Wow. Can we hire this person to write letters for us? We've got a few people who could do with this kind of talk.