What is it about Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag - those yokes from The Hills - that makes me want to hurl every time I see a video or picture of them? Is it their constant attempt (and I emphasise the word 'attempt') to look natural? Their ridiculous penchant for pecking each other on the cheek? Heidi's bloody hair-stroking? Or just the fact that they are so completely irrelevant? Well, it seems now that Speidi is looking at a new $12 million beach home in Malibu, according to TMZ. Seriously - she has a clothing line where the most expensive thing is $60, a not-so-successful singing career, and that Pratt of a boyfriend (pun intended) - well, he's just a professional bum with a weakness for experiments in bad facial hair. $12 million? Jaysus.. Anyway, the pair looked completely 'natural' in front of the cameras as they posed - I mean talked - with a real estate agent, whilst also pointing into mid-air (only seabirds up there, luv) and having a snog in front of the agent (where he looks more than a little uncomfortable. He's probably thinking 'I don't get paid enough for this sh*t'.) Sources say that the couple can more than afford the property, but won't be rushing into anything quite yet. Why can't she just break up with the Prattmeister, become friends with LC again and forego a life of being the human Barbie to Spenny's Ken?  - AC