This year's Strictly Come Dancing fodder have reared their heads. And it looks like Simon Cowell needn't spare another thought for his precious ratings.
Representing the females of the species are ex-soap birds Tina O'Brien (Sarah Louise off Corrie) and Kara Tointon (Dawn off EastEnders. She's one to watch, and not just for the obvious reasons; she won the Sport Relief version of the show in 2008). That is where the totty begins and ends. OK, there's Michelle Williams (the lesser known one off Destiny's Child, who really should be on America's Dancing With The Stars when you think about it), and marriage enthusiast Patsy Kensit. After that, we have actress Felicity Kendal, who is looking stellar; professional therapist and Billy Connolly's other half, Pamela Stephenson; and.... Ann Widdecombe. Maybe that's what she grew her hair out of her signature bowler.
Representing the males... Scott Maslen. Yep, that's it, just Scott. For those unfamiliar with the name, he be Jack Branning off EastEnders. Does that mean he's leaving the soap? Probably. And thank God he is, 'cause look at the rest of the line up. Without Jack to ogle (hopefully his outfits will be a little more snug than the expansive pants he's sporting in this instance), we'd be forced to source titillation from either Countryfiler Matt Baker, actor Jimmy Mistry (yet another EastEnder), or.... Gavin Henson. That is unless you're into the older man, in which case you're spoiled for choice. Making up the numbers we have 60-year-old former goalie, Peter Shilton, aaaaand 72-year-old Paul Daniels *jazz hands* Just like that.
Apologies, I nearly forgot the piesta resistance; also due to cavort around in a bet on sequined shirt is Goldie. Ruff in da jongle indeed. I remember going to see him in the Temple Bar Music Centre too many years ago... His tryst in EastEnders (yep, another one) was one thing, while his turn on that BBC yoke in which he became a conductor was another. This, well, this is just something else altogether more sinister. Not as sinister as him saying he's going to find frenetically shaking his hips to salsa "a release", mind. Or Gaving Henson promising a semier at any given moment throughout the show.
In an interview, Henson said he was "nervous about getting aroused when I'm dancing close." You can see who Gavin's lucky partner is when the pairings are revealed on Saturday at 6.25pm.