Top billing for today's celebrity news across the board has been awarded to Britney's belly. Exciting times.
The wobbly short of it is that she's going on tour this summer and is therefore forgoing all junk food for the foreseeable. This has, naturally, made her a bit of a food Nazi; she's making everyone around her live the clean life - or they're fired.
The Sun reports that she's only "banned her dancers from drinking alcohol", which is strange as surely Jamie had already imposed that rule, what with his daughter having something of a(n alleged) substance abuse issue... Anyway, she has also stopped her boyfriend Jason Trawick from bringing junk food anywhere near her, as she wants to lose 10lbs in a month as she re-launches her pop career.
The Sun's readily available source said: "Dieting's hard for Britney. She and Jason love going to drive-throughs and cooking big meals for the boys like hot dogs with pasta, which is her absolute favourite (my, who's got the refined palate?) She's completely turned herself round and won't even allow Jason to eat that kind of food anywhere near her. The other day he walked in with a burger meal and she went ballistic... Costumes are being designed and millions put into the album. All she wants is to bare a toned stomach."
All I want is to bare a bum cheek on a beach and not have the skin seared off it with a blast of Arctic air... although that comes about 24th down the list, after such wants as World peace, the spate of natural disasters to go on the wane, the obliteration of world hunger, and so on.
Perspective is key to fullfillment, especially when you've had two kids in quick succession and the likelihood of your stomach from 2004 re-emerging is a big ask, so give yerself a break woman.
Britney's new album 'Femme Fatale' just hit shelves on Friday. You can listen to it streaming in full here or read our review here.