Hellew 1999. And 2007...

You may not be aware, but Jennifer Saunders - when she's not appearing in Sharon Horgan's largely disappointing Dead Boss (riddle me this, do prisons have hair tongs? I know it's not meant to be rooted in reality, but the fact her hair is tonged within an inch of its existence really pisses me off) - has been writing Spice Girls: The Musical (it's actually called Viva Forever, but we'll go with the former for the purpose of this article as its self-explanatory).

Anyway, said musical is getting its own press conference tonight and bosses are looking for a bit of column inches, so the Daily Mail's saying the Spice Girls are at each other's throats:

"… it is a singular irony that the 'Girl Power' musical has done little to bring the five Spice Girls together. They may have once sung: 'Friendship never ends' but the association between them remains uneasy as the women approach their 40th birthdays. They have agreed - under a three-line whip from former manager Simon Fuller - that they will appear together for today's press conference and be in the same room together on opening night. But that is absolutely it. They won't give joint interviews to a forthcoming ITV documentary tracing their lives from the early Spice Girls days. And they certainly won't sing together or reunite as a band. Indeed, Mel C and Mel B took to Twitter to express their disappointment at not being involved in the Diamond Jubilee concert earlier this month."

No surprises for guessing who's to blame. Indeed it is the one with the most kids, the superstar husband, and the serious career as a fashion designer. The other four had said they were available to perform at the Jubilee concert, but Victoria declined saying all the girls had "lots on our plates." 

Unsurprisingly it more boils down to Victoria not being able to sing (I've heard her without auto tune when she was recording that Damon Dash debacle in Windmill Lane recording studios. Not pretty) and an ongoing tiff she's had with Mel B: "The pair apparently fell out when Victoria declined to lend Mel a dress from her collection to wear on her reality show in the U.S."

The "band" were originally put together following a 1994 advertisement in The Stage newspaper, which read: "R U 18-23 with the ability to sing/dance? R U streetwise, ambitious, outgoing and determined?"

Is it any wonder Mrs Beckham wants to leave it all behind.

Why, yes, it is a rather slow news day.