Picture the scene, Simon Cowell stroking a white cat and one of his beards at the same time...
"You see, having Caroline hook up with Olly is too obvious. Even the public would sniff that's a PR stunt, particularly since we're trying to get Stiff and Nicole together… No, we need to make it less obvious. I've always liked Harry, and he's young enough to be her son, so let's run with that instead. Stick it in The Sun, along with a picture of Caroline in a basque, link it to that story where she says she 'hates her big boobs' ("I hate my massive boobs. I wish I could take my boobs off sometimes, which is why I wear a sports bra to flat-ten them down. Models don't have boobs, do they? But all the Flack girls have big boobs. Most people's ears keep growing, for me, it's my boobs!" That's a direct quote, by the way), job's done. Make it happen, Max."
And here is that "story": "The 17-year-old singer was seen on Tuesday night enjoying a cosy meal with the leggy Xtra Factor host, who is 15 years his senior. The pair shared a couple of desserts at a posh restaurant in London's St Martins Lane hotel. They sat close to one another and were open about being out together. After finishing their meal, the giggling couple sauntered out of the main entrance at 11pm and hopped into the same chauffeur-driven car. A source said (what these source's always f***ing say): 'Caroline and Harry attended a showbiz bash, then went for a meal at the Asia De Cuba restaurant. They were clearly enjoying being together and didn't seem to care who saw them. Two other friends joined them while they were eating, but it was clear they only had eyes for each other'... Last month Harry and Caroline, 32, sparked rumours of a relationship as they were seen kissing at an X Factor party."