Christopher Maloney, you're gonna need some ice, 'cause you just got burned. Louis Walsh has been doing what Louis Walsh does best, running his mouth and relaying completely unverifiable but probably accurate information from Simon Cowell. Apparently Simon has 'big plans' for the other two finalists, the Wailer and the Jailer as I like to call them, but had nothing to say about tangoed spudman Chris. Britney's face says it all really.
Of course, Louis didn't stop there which probably means there's genuine fear in X Factor land that Chris will win, calling him a karaoke singer (which, let's be honest, he is) and comparing him to Tony Christie. Hopefully that doesn't mean Peter Kay is going to start nicking Maloney tunes and force them on our unwanting ears again.
Anybody else considering voting for Maloney now, just to piss Simon Cowell off? It could be glorious. Because let's face it, without Rylan (who will probably make a small appearance with all the other finalists in some god-awful group performance this weekend) this final is going to be pretty much a snorefest, even with Rihanna, Kelly Clarkson, Rita Ora, Kylie Minogue, and Emeli Sande, who just won't go away.