Simon Cowell - what an exemplary role model to all aspiring arseholes. He has the audacity to shag his best mate's (let's use the term 'best' lightly) wife, gets her pregnant, then admits that yes, the whole thing isn't a hoax and that yes, it actually happened, and THEN he backtracks and says 'oh shit, I hadn't thought of this way to avoid claiming responsibility for my actions' and demands a DNA test that'll prove whether or not the bun in her oven is his or her cuckolded husband's.

What makes us unsure of who the bigger mug in this situation (Simon or Andrew) is the fact that Andrew Silverman (who's almost fully divorced from Lauren) is said to have already cleared the air with Simon, and they're back to having the bants over a plate of foie gras (or some other arsehole-y type of rabbit food). Um, hello? He was rodgerin' your missus behind your back for longer than you'd probably care to imagine. And now he wants to deny that the baby is his and probably yours. COP ON MAN! He and Lauren cuckolded you. You've been cuckolded. (Perhaps I just enjoy saying cuckolded.... cuckolded. OK I'll stop now).

As per the NY post, Simon has managed to convince Andrew to not only be civil with him (not that Simon would probably give a shit) but also to exclude his name on their divorce papers. Why? Because he doesn't want to lie in the bed he has made for himself nor does he want his angelic, reputable name tarnished.

Dih. Neeeeerve.

Little does Simon know of this thing called the internet, where the majority of his shady goings on are already well documented and speculated over and where the mere utterance of his name is met with rolling eyes and smug chuckles.

Enter mug numero three, Lauren, who despite all of the above, and the fact that he wants a DNA test, is convinced STILL that Simon is her 'soulmate'.

Star magazine give us the following scoff-worthy scoop.

""Simon has no intention of giving up his lifestyle for Lauren," says a source close to the situation. And he may not be too keen on giving up his money for her either. Simon recently told Lauren that he’s not even thinking about child support – until the newly single socialite submits to a DNA test!

“Simon is no fool, and he’s not going to pay a cent for this child until he’s 100% sure he’s the father. He needs scientific proof."

Simon is determined to get Lauren to take a DNA test while pregnant, although he does view Lauren as a "close friend" and he "doesn't think she is a golddigger," he's also not willing to take her word that the baby is his.

"If she thinks she has him locked down just because she’s pregnant, she’s in for a very rude awakening. Simon was with Lauren a lot of the time but not all of the time, the baby could be Andrew’s."

According to the source, Simon’s attitude is a real eye opener for Lauren, who has told friends she thinks of Simon as her “soulmate” and had assumed that her pregnancy would tame his womanizing ways."

The only thing she may have any luck taming is his Lego man/grey back gorilla-like barnett that we suspect is secretly a wig made of his MOM'S CHEST HAIR*.

*We mean no disrespect to mammy Cowell, we're sure she's just lovely.