Nope, I just can't stop posting stuff about Rhys Ifans and Kimberly Stewart. They just have that star quality, you know? You don't? Yeeeah, me neither. I suppose I just want to highlight how not to conduct oneself when attending, let's say, your "bird's" 29th birthday party.
Rule number 1: Try to give happy hour, and being photographed with a mystery blonde, a miss.
Rule number 2: Perhaps go home to change, spruce yourself up for the occasion, before you join her for the celebrations.
Rule number 3: Giving someone you've dated for a few weeks "underwear and nipple tassels" doesn't exactly convey the message that you're attracted to said person's mind. Then again, the person in question is Kimberly Stewart.
Rule number 4: Don't chase a bottle of red wine with shots of "the oldest whisky you've got" and tequila, otherwise seeing your girlfriend chatting to another male might result in the following altercation (details of which come courtesy of The Sun): "Hot-headed Rhys caught a glimpse of the proposition and flew over shouting: 'Oi, f*** off, Don't touch my bird. Let's take this outside; you think you're a big man." Following a scuffle and more bad language, tearful Kimberly - 29 today - intervened and grabbed Rhys's face. She ordered: 'Rhys, don't do this. It's my birthday, stop it! Stop acting like you are 12'."
Rule Number 5: Even though you're trying to make amends with the birthday girl, try not to let her scrawl "I Love K" on your face with eyeliner. You're 40 and owe yourself the illusion of decorum.