And then there were three... But we'll get to them in a minute. Ideally, I should be providing a roundup of events every day, but between the commute to work (45 minute wait for a DART this morning, but at least one presented itself at some stage), the frozen toes, the near falls, and the hangovers from guzzling too many hot ports in a bid to "keep warm" (at this point I'd like to say fair play to the lone barman in The Queens last night. They had been shutting up shop at 9pm every night, but he "didn't agree with that" and made the brave decision to keep the pub open by himself. We left at 11.30pm, when two large men started squabbling at the bar, and a hoard of students started delivering a lively rendition of the 12 Days of Christmas where they exchanged the names of the gifts with "Paul McGrath"...) are taking their toll. All I can manage is the odd note on the mobile which I then vow to write about the next day. Alas, I don't quite get round to it 'cause that's what happens when you're the editor of a website.
Anyway, in the last couple of days we've seen three people leave the jungle, but only one will be missed. First to go was the most passive person known to TV - Aggro "I'm not gonna make a big deal and fight about it" Santos, and not a moment too soon either, he was starting to morph into Monica in the One After Joey and Rachel Kiss. What a head of hair. It's safe to say the remaining adults - Jenny, Shaun and Dom - weren't too saddened by the loss of Aggro's conversational prowess. To quote Dom: "I mean, who is Tinchy Stryder?!"
Following several other incidents - including Stacey crouched like a mammoth-mammaried, slightly spooked kangaroo in a pie, and all the remaining contestants clambering their way up an incline while being blasted with air, water and several pilates balls - it was time for Kayla's questionable swimwear, and even more questionable beak, to toddle across the bridge, and into the arms of some bird who was more interested in getting her photograph taken than hugging her mate. Kayla's departure must have hit Shaun fairly hard... considering she brought out the hard man in him... followed by his softer side... Those of you who've been watching will know what I'm referring to with all the subtly of a raging morning glory stalker in a grown man's shorts.
And then there was a great personal loss - Dom Joly. The UK viewers obviously didn't appreciate his wit, his lofty demeanour, or his bullheadedness. They probably saw him as a bully who said big words an ting. But who else is going to liken Shaun's often trance like state to "a dog happily watching a washing machine" for the next two days?
Come Saturday, we'll have Ant and Dec, clad in their colour coordinated outfits, crowning either Stacey, Shaun or Jenny the king or queen of the jungle. Given everyone who's left the place thus far have said they want Stacey to win, we can hazard an educated guess and say Stacey will win. Shaun will come second and Jenny Eclair will come third - probably because she's sh*t at "impro." Not improv. "Impro". That's all she kept saying last night when they had to provide a impromptu commentary to footage of Bush Tucker Trials of yore - "God, I'm so embarrassed, I'm a comic and I'm rubbish at impro, this is career damaging." Indeed it will be if you keep going on about it. But audiences might go easy on you considering your constant use of the term "impro" made me, for one, conjure the image of professional imp wrestlers flinging chairs about during a ladder match. Moments of entertainment. Thank you, Jenny.
UPDATE: Stacey won. Not that that comes as a surprise to anyone.