Nothing quite conveys 'Glamour' like clambering out of a cab, to then be papped on a pavement while being felt up by a bandmate...
In a moment, I shall regale the winners of last night's Glamour Awards UK (with a smattering of Americans), but firstly, let's enjoy a game of Whose Hoop is That? OK, this one's easy 'cause - even with the aid of a form fitting black gown - this's posterior is still universally mahooosive. Moving on to contestant number two... Doesn't she look tidy? Let's whip her round; it's only Ms. KellyFinally, who could this be? Hmmmm, doesn't she look classy, like a brunette Jessica Rabbit. Who could it be? Chr*st almighty! Honestly, what a welcomed break from severe fringes, slashes of blusher, and tethered bin bags. What a honey.
Right, to the winners:
Presenter of the Year: Davina McCall
Designer of the Year: Sarah Burton
Film-maker of the Year: Jane Goldman
Theatre Actress of the Year: Naomie Harris
TV Personality of the Year: Dannii Minogue (bittersweet obvs)
Breakthrough of the Year: Ellie Goulding (she was there, I just forgot to include a photo, 'cause she's borrring, booohoorring, bohooorrrhiiinnnhinnggah)
Writer of the Year: Dawn French (not everyone appreciated Roger & Val Just Got In, but I did)
Sportswoman of the Year: Jessica Ennis
Band of the Year: The Saturdays
Accessory Designer of the Year: Victoria Beckham (she couldn't attend, probably too busy scoffing crisps)
Radio Personality of the Year: Fearne Cotton
TV Actress of the Year: Lenora Crichlow
Comedy Actress of the Year: Miranda Hart
Entrepreneur of the Year: Kim Kardashian
UK Solo Artist of the Year: Adele (she couldn't attend, probably too busy skulling cider with her mates in a park)
Film Actress of the Year: Gemma Arterton (really?)
Woman of Tomorrow: Jessie J
Editor's Special Award: Rosie Huntington Whiteley
Man of the Year: Garrett Hedlund
Outstanding Contribution: Stevie Nicks
We're not sure whyKings of Leon, JLS, and this manic man turned up, but we're not complaining. As for Mr. Schuester, he should forever wear glasses *swoons*. As for the rest of the folk in the gallery, there's a mountain and a half, like Caroline Flack, Tess Daly, Daisy Lowe, Eliza Doolittle, Diana Vickers, Tulisa Whatsherface, this effort, and the hardest working ear in the business. Even Amanda Byram was there, and Minnie Mouse's shoes - go have a gander while I go scarf my lunch.