There you are, a hot movie star, having a suave time peddling your new movie about goat staring at the Venice Film Festival, when you're suddenly met with a half-naked Italian reporter who means you to be his.
Such was the plight of one George Clooney yesterday at a press conference for his new film, Men Who Stare At Goats.
According to Showbiz Spy, the reporter brought attention to himself at the press conference by announcing:
"'I am gay, George, and I think I am in love with you... Please take me.' He then stripped to his underwear, leaving his tie on, and asked: 'May I kiss you please? Just one kiss?' Clooney replied (in a suitably dapper manner): 'It's hard when you take a big chance and it doesn't really work. It's always embarrassing when you take one big swing for the fences and it just falls flat. It was a good try, though. You know, the tie looks good, and it's just long enough'."
That's not where George's pursuer's efforts ended, however. He reportedly also emblazoned his underpants with the words "George Clooney Choose Me", which he managed to flash about a fair bit before being removed from security.
George's exciting day continued with a screening of said new film, where he showcased the hurty hand he slammed in his car door, as well as his new lady friend (they're so close, I'm sure she doesn't mind that he's trampling all over her dress). She's a 30-year-old Italian called Elisabetta Canalis. We're not sure if she used to be a waitress, perhaps she was before she started her two-month-old career in TV presenting. Man, he has a thing for waitresses/models/TV presenters.
Hang on. It's all become clear. George Clooney and Steve Jones should turn gay for each other. It would be a match made in Heaven. For me. To look at.