Geordie Shore's Vicky Pattinson signs book deal, English language nears collapse

You know how they say everyone has a book in them?

Vicky Pattinson's got two.

That's right - Geordie Shore's Vicky Pattison has signed a two-book deal that will see her put pen to paper. People will pay money to read her words.

Many years from now, when humanity has reached the stars and interstellar travel is a reality for us, we will look back on this moment and wonder how we ever reached this point.

So what will Vicky Pattinson be writing about?

"A young woman is plucked from obscurity and throw in the crazy world of reality TV."

Shut. The Front. Door. And take the lock with you.

No joke, though, we'd really like to read the book. If her PR people are reading this, do send us a copy.

We'll read it. Honest.