SUMMERS WITHOUT THE INTERNET: THE OFFICIAL RULES OF... KERBS
You remember it now, don't you? A warm summer night. The sun wouldn't go down until after ten. But on one road, you're locked in battle with your mate from two doors up. It's eight all. You know your opponent has a strong throw but poor accuracy. If he hits the kerb, you're finished. He moves into the Kill Zone. Or does he? Consult our OFFICIAL rules for when you can move into the halfway mark.
RULE ONE – THE BALL ITSELF
A basketball is absolutely necessary for the prerequisite bounciness. Yes, that's a technical term. Bounciness. Look it up. A football, GAA or otherwise, can substitute but for optimal Kerbs, you need a basketball.
RULE TWO – PLAYERS
Two to a game. You can try doubles, but it never works.
RULE THREE – SCORING
Standard game lengths are first to ten. This can be extended if both players agree to continue. If both players agree, it can be next score wins or “Sudden Death” rules.
RULE FOUR – BOUNCE-BACK & THE HALFWAY MARK
You can only move up to the halfway mark – that's that black rubber thing that runs down the middle of the road – when you CATCH the ball after hitting the kerb. You cannot leave your kerb to catch the ball. It has to bounce directly back into your arms. You're allowed move left or right and back, but you cannot step out onto the road. The road is lava.
Now. If you catch the ball after hitting the opponent's kerb, you're allowed move into the Halfway Mark. Also known as the Kill Zone. Also known as “Hey, that's not far, we don't play it like that.” If they say that, simply refer to this article and point to this entry right here.
Points scored at the Halfway Mark can vary. They can either be set at half-points or full points. This must be determined and agreed upon by both players before the game begins.
RULE FIVE – BREAK FOR CARS
You break for cars. You do not attempt to throw the ball over the car. And end up hitting the roof of Mr. Fennelly's Lada.
RULE SIX – KERB / ROAD LENGTH
There's no set length between kerbs. Obviously, it depends on the individual players so if you think you can beat your opponent on a longer road, go for it.
RULE SEVEN – FALLING OFF THE KERB
You fall off the kerb and you score, the score is invalid. You do not get another throw. You must pass the ball to the opponent.
RULE EIGHT – BALL GOES MISSING, YOU FIND IT
That's what you get for trying to be funny. Good luck pulling it out of the nettles.
RULE NINE – GAMES CANNOT BE DISRUPTED FOR DINNER / HOME & AWAY
Unless you have an official scorekeeper, your little sister usually, you cannot break the game for dinner / Home & Away. You have to either finish the game there and then or agree to a tie.
RULE TEN – YOU HIT THE OPPONENT, GAME OVER
Don't aim for the mid-section, aim for the head.