What's a label to do if one of their main stars is too fubared to come across with their required number of albums? Market the sh*te out of the barely existing dregs.
Behold a new range of Amy Winehouse themed... wrapping paper and affiliated paraphernalia. A source told The Sun: "The bosses at EMI are keen to keep the cash cow churning out the readies. The first item in the Winehouse range will be wrapping paper with the chorus of Rehab emblazoned all over it. The Amy-branded cards are classy too. You Know I'm No Good is best for heartfelt apologies and Back To Black, with an appropriate wreath, will be the respectful response to a bereavement."
'Cause, when you've just had a loved one snatched from you, through no fault of their own, there's nothing more comforting than the thought of some ingrate who gets to rattle around a Caribbean island despite flouting death innumerable times.
Keeping with St. Lucia, Kelly Osbourne has allegedly cancelled a holiday she had booked to the island for fear of bumping into Rattle Bags. According to reports, Osbourne's kept Winehouse at arm's length since she opened her home to the warbler last year:
"Amy rearranged all the furniture and pictures into crazy places, turning chairs over and organising personal objects in her own version of feng shui while Kelly was out. She'd even removed some items she ranted were evil. It was the last straw for Kelly, who finally saw how out of control Amy was. She had tried to help her get over her drug problem but finally had enough... There was no way Kelly was running the risk of her quiet, relaxing holiday being ruined by Amy's presence."