After 5.5 hours of frightfully drippy coverage of the Thames Flotilla on Sunday (enduring it live was enough to hospitalise Prince Phillip), I subjected myself to last night's Jubliee Concert coverage under duress. The fellah used to live in England for 12 years, you see, so he has quite the fondness for our neighbours.
Thankfully I missed Robbie Williams dry humping the air during his first performance. I also missed Gary Barlow's "surprise guest" Cheryl Cole squawking like a "budgie with emphysema", and Will.I.Am trying to measure up to Jessie J, and Stevie Wonder - much to the dismay of all involved.
No, the fellah switched on the concert right in the middle of Sir Cliff crooning Congratulations and what appeared to be a variation of Auld Lang Syne. Mistletoe and Wine was given a miss strangely enough.
But it wasn’t all twee flag waving and earplugs from the royal enclosure; the sight of Madness singing Our House from the roof of Buckingham Palace while a montage of dancing cartoon Royals were projected onto the building was only surpassed by Grace Jones hoola hooping her way through Slave To The Rhythm. 64-years-old. Now that's a queen.
Also featured: Kylie Minogue in Pearly Queen hotpants, Shirley Bassey in chiffon, Tom Jones, Elton John, JLS, Annie Lennox, one hell of fireworks display, and the odd protester...